Following endless trepidation, much scientific research has been done into strange phenomena happening to comments on Best Gore. The international scientific community eventually traced the mystery down and found an undisputed proof that Best Gore is guarded by an army of supernatural gnomes who answer to no one and eat parts of some comments alive. Professor Jenkins of the University of Wildhogstan followed up on the research and concluded that in certain cases, the horrifying gnomes swallow the entire comment whole.
The Best Gore gnomes are extremely feisty and easily irritable. Their adrenaline levels appear to sky rocket when comments contain certain stimuli linked to increased production of cholesterol in Yeti lice. When the adrenaline levels rise above the safe four-toe-dunk-stump threshold, the gnomes enter a trance of castration and start chomping on the foreskin of robotics.
Bilateral consultation with retired inter-galactic mummy revealed the secrets of the classified ceremony performed by anointed gnomes whose whiskers’ length determine the circumstantial viability of parthenogenesis. Their findings are inscribed on an unobtanium mantelpiece currently on display in Cairo museum of prehistoric stock exchange. His highness the President of Soiledcondom Republic had the honor of examining the sacred inscription and graciously shared the knowledge in the Book of Revelations. After the fan-on-high blew the book out the submarine window, its content was published on a whistle-blowing website WikiFlukes. Now everyone can learn why those damn gnomes eat comments:
- They are all in CAPS or contain more than one whole word in CAPS
- Contain words like “ur” instead of “your” or “cuz” instead of “cause” or “b4” instead of “before”, etc.
- Contain personal attacks
- Add no value to the debate (includes single word comments – such as LOL, and comments written solely with an intention to boost the poster’s comment count)
- Are written as if 12 year old wrote them
- Contain spam
- Contain undue hatred, whether racial or otherwise
- Contain stupid questions
- Are completely unrelated to the topic of the post
- Are written by a hot chick who wouldn’t for the fuck of it show her tits (jk)
EDITOR’S NOTE: I have no control over actions of gnomes. Sometimes they follow their own rules, sometimes they don’t. If your comment disappears, blame the gnomes. I’m still trying to get mailing address to the gnome supreme court so you can file an appeal should you feel compelled. I keep the gnomes doped up on Snickers which has psychedelic effects on gnomes, so they hardly ever chomp on comments, but sometimes their addiction level fluctuates and leaves the creatures unpredictable. Ummm, Snickers…
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