Reply To: I wish women weren't shady .

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Empty soul


“Im like a dog in the sense that I could genuinely have feelings of love for someone quickly when it comes to true attraction … But is that just some warped mental defect?”

“when ever I try and date a girl I am truly interested in. I always fool myself into thinking their someone and something their not. What should I do?”

“there literally has to be a female on earth right this second that if we met we could happily spend the rest of our lives together.”

Within the above lies your answer.

What you call feelings of love is in fact just physical infatuation.

You cannot love somebody you have yet to even get to know and understand because at that level of contact the person doesn’t even exist yet, just your presumptions of them. What is happening then is that these women who you are instantly falling in love with are in fact ticking the right boxes when it comes to the physical characteristics of your ideal dream woman and you are simply filling in the blanks yourself hence your continued disappointment after the fact.

What we can take from the above is that looks are the most important factor when it comes to your choice of partner because otherwise your feelings would not be so quick to form nor your hopes so readily dashed. Nothing wrong with that. However, there probably will need to be compromises made when it comes to the personality department because the chances of the woman meeting both your physical requirements and your personality requirements when you have set them so stringently is not high. Well, unless you win a few million on the lottery or something. The odds tend to get better at that point.

Alternatively you will have to make compromises in the looks department if the personality requirements are an absolute must. Personally, my own youth was spent juggling between these two factors until an attainable level was reached and I started to get my ship docked in more and more ports.

Your last point about wanting to find someone with whom you can spend the rest of your life happily with is probably what’s hindering you the most because such thoughts and ideas when voiced and pushed at the beginning of a relationship tends to be a relationship killer as no one wants to feel boxed in and suffocated during what should be the self discovery period of the romance. It sets the alarm bells ringing and causes a sudden rush of feet towards the nearest door.

“You’re the one” syndrome also lowers your chances of actually finding the one because it discards perfectly good opportunities in favour of wishful thinking and perfectionism.

To summarise my advice. Don’t expect women to come tailor-made for you. They are not prefabricated structures that can be moved to and fro and be the way you want them to be straight out of the box.