Reply To: Fearing & Ignoring The Inevitable & In Hopes That It Will Simply Just Go Away.

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#171453
thedre
Participant

@svarg26

Well said, and So, so true my Good Brother. ๐Ÿ™‚

As I Myself Do Not Fear Death, since i have found Jesus, and God. I Will Welcome Death With Open Arms having glimpse of the other side, when i felt so alone, unloved and at the end of my rope sort of speak. And in the middle of my endless cries i called-out for our Lord, and savior @svarg.

And this most incredible soft humming sound came into my head, and most beautiful feeling of his gentle power completely enveloped me. It Was Like This Big Glass tube came down from above around my whole body until it hit the floor and i felt like i was weightless svarg, as i looked-up,,,, oh My God svarg every time that i talk about-it, it reminds me of that day when i was 14 years old all over again and speaking with either Jesus, or God-Himself, as to this day, i do not know, or care, as this person was So so loving svarg from the love that i felt, as he was the love, the light, the everything.

From that day on i knew that i was loved from somebody that was so pure i Cannot svarg no matter how hard i try to describe-it NO WORDS CAN JUSTIFY THIS INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCE THAT I HAD.

And then he asked me if i wanted to come with him, or stay, “in my Native French Language” Which i will never forgot as i spoke English most of the time as my friends also did, as most were English. As much as i did not want to leave, i knew that i was going to be ok, so i said not now, but please come back for me when my time has come. As I Remember not seeing him, but feeling him smile, as all the words spoken were in my head, and not out loud, like it was telepathic.

And svarg it was like in an instant i knew everything about everything, i can’t explain-it properly, but it was like i knew this place and it was like this loving home that i knew all along, man it was so beautiful, and reassuring for a lost little 14 year old boy who was just sent to live with his Drunk half the time Physically/Emotionally abusive Father a couple of weeks before that felt so unwanted there. My stepmother Kept me home after school, who when my Father was not home, Working late while he was having Sex with his Secretary who lived down the street. Then one day after doing 2 full hours of chores, supper dishes while her 2 daughters went out to friends, or put on nail polish while laughing and watching tv.

I Asked stepmom gently, if i could go out to see my friends if i promised to be home by 9 since all the dishes and cleaning was done, and she said no, before i could even finish asking, while her two daughters and mom with a grin on her face because i was nervous, and stuttering a bit when, asking nervously. So when she said no i said fuck very low, and under my voice, so i thought she would not hear me as i went up to my room. On My Way Upp Seconds later Laurie The Eldest Daughter says out loud,,, did you just say fuck?? And stepmom said WHAT?? GET down here Andre. Did You Say fuck, and looking to the floor i said yes but i did not mean to it just came-out, so she grabbed my face and squeezed my cheek so hard with moth her fingers while she grinded her ugly teeth saying wait till your father gets in, now get the fuck up to your room.

A Couple of hours later my dad came in i heard some wispering and then ANDRE,,, DESCENT ICITE, C’Mon down here. As i made it down the stairs already crying he said did you say fuck to Robbie as the sister chuckled still in the living room warching there shows, he punched me in the face as i instantly fell to the ground, and he kicked me in the head, and face repeatedly Brenda the younger of the 2 Sisters yelled stop dad you’re going to kill him.

Is the last thing i heard i don’t remember how i got back up to my room sice that day. I Could not go to scholl for almost a full months before my eyes neck and well my whole face healed, and 2 weekd before i could see properly from both eyes. A Couple days later when they were at work, i went to the bathroom, locked the door, i dunt know why i went to the bathroom svarg to cry, i guess maybe it felt like a small safe place where i could lock the door,??? i dunno,?? But i just put both seats down, and just sat there crying, And crying so hard, and for so long i remember my throat,,, my throat it was killing me i guess from crying too much and from the kicks that did, had not healed properly?

How could anyone do this to their own kid svarg?? let alone anybody brother? there own little boy bud??? i cannot ever understand that brother i would kill myself before i would ever beat my Children like that brother why/how man??? that question still haunts m today. how? But thats when he came down, and evellopped me. I HAVE TO STOP NOW AS I Cannot Stop CryingG Myself God-Bless you brother.
Love you guys . ๐Ÿ™‚