Reply To: Im very nervous around females

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#85403
BigBoySlims
Participant

It’s something guys are gonna make fun of you for but in reality I think its something the majority of guys go through. Rejection fucking sucks and repeated rejection makes you feel almost insane, almost like you’re not human like everyone else. Freshman year in college, I would be thinking about sex 100% of the time, not in a way that would make me creepy when talking to a girl but ya I would try to get a lot of girls numbers. Long story short, I could easily get their number a lot of the time, but it would often go nowhere or only go on for a week or two and quickly dissolve. I was still a virgin at the time (17 going on 18) and any guy around that age range knows that when you have a convo around your boys about sex its assumed that no one in the group is a virgin anymore. I used to get so nervous when I was in those situations because I didn’t know the first thing about sex AND on top of that, the two/three first times that I had an opportunity to have sex, I was too nervous to get hard. It made for me having a very low self esteem and I remember one time I spontaneously started crying in my dorm because I was so lonely. Even after losing my virginity, which is great but overrated, I still get rejected a good portion of the time and it somewhat restricts my willingness to spontaneously go talk to a girl.

A couple things for you to keep in mind. Everybody in the world is fundamentally incomplete and they will literally, friends or not, try to use whatever attribute about themselves to directly or indirectly put themselves above you; I’ve come to think that it’s just a vestigial survival personality trait built into to people so that we always keep a slight mental edge on the other person in case the friendship (inevitably) breaks off. Don’t worry about what the critics (judging bystanders/bullies) nor the girls themselves may be thinking when you find the courage to talk to them because we all have huge insecurities, all of us.

One thing I’ve noticed is that it a lot of the time, its when you least try, that you actually attract women that you get them. Women seem to be attracted to a man that shows self sufficient and stability and confidence, they like that mystique especially when you separate yourself from the flock of thirsty guys that over-complement her everyday. In her mind, she’ll be like, “why is he not tripping over words and coming across desperate like all the other guys”. I’m not gonna tell you any cliches like “be yourself” or “think about everybody else being in their underwear”; what you do need to do is build on yourself (probably including limiting time on this website) in a way that will make you exude confidence and then trust me women will come to you…