I understand what you are saying Donna. Being sick and in constant pain is something I have been forced to live with since I was 10 years old. The depression get’s worse as the years go on. Some get help by going to therapy or taking medications those people are lucky but there are many others like myself those things don’t help and it’s a battle to not just do myself in. It’s hard to make people understand how hard it is to smile and be happy on the outside but on the inside you wish this nightmare would end. I will stare at the fentyl patches and wonder if it be a quick death.
When those urges come on ironically I will get on this site and count myself lucky I’m still here. If you honestly wanted to kill yourself you wouldn’t need a suicide instructions you would have just done it. Maybe you are just needing to talk to someone and if you do feel free to send me a message.