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I inhaled a whole phial of Poppers, fisted my lubricated anus like a piledriver, cascaded fountains of sperm around the room and ordered two Pet Shop Boys CDs from Amazon. Then I sank a Glory Hole into my front door and sucked every cock that passed by, rimmed the postman, clipped clothes pegs on my nipples and stitched a leather-trimmed cock-access slot in the back of my denims before the record actually finished. I would have painted the living room pink as well but the walls were so glazed with semen that painting it would have been a waste of time.