Cringe Comedy

Best Gore Forums Chill Out Zone Funny and Cute Cringe Comedy

Viewing 66 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #58368
      REDRUM
      Participant

      Hello, fuckers! Leave your cringiest jokes below. Must be cringey.

    • #58475
      Poppa
      Participant

      Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He was hit byou a bus.

    • #58476
      REDRUM
      Participant

      A fly goes into a bar. He asks, “is this stool taken?” 💩

      • #58479
        Aegrescit medendo
        Participant

        That reminds me of the best pick-up line I know: Can I push your stool in for you?

        Here’s one I heard on Norm MacDonald’s podcast: A gold chain is an excellent retirement gift for a really good slave.

        • #58482
          illegalsmile55
          Participant

          How do you get 4 fags on a bar stool?
          Turn it over

        • #58486
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          Four fags are sitting in a hot tub when a wad of jizz floats to the surface, One of them asks “OK, who farted?”

      • #58737
        Brandi
        Participant

        Ewwee haha.

        • #58879
          XXX
          Participant

          Wow goil., u pertty.

        • #58895
          Brandi
          Participant

          Awww thanks haha ๐Ÿ™‚

    • #58485
      illegalsmile55
      Participant

      Why can’t they find a cure for AIDS?

      They haven’t found a way to make the lab rats butt fuck each other

      • #58488
        Aegrescit medendo
        Participant

        Stop me if you’ve heard this before.
        What do you call an Ethiopian with a big toe? A golf club.
        What do you call an Ethiopian with big teeth? A rake.

    • #58489
      Poppa
      Participant

      What do you call a Mexican with a lawn mower? A thief.

      What do you call a Mexican without a lawn mower? Unemployed.

      • #58500
        REDRUM
        Participant

        I’m offensive, and I found that Mexican.

        • #58962
          illegalsmile55
          Participant

          Why don’t Mexicans and Jigger’s have kids?
          Their too lazy to steal..

        • #66667
          joedirt9
          Participant

          @illegalsmile55, what is a “jigger” exactly?? Lol, you are too polite to even type the actual n-word, that is precious lol

        • #66668
          illegalsmile55
          Participant

          @joedirt9,

          Your the first person who thinks I’m polite. It was just a typo..

          Nigger nigger nigger…..lol

        • #66677
          Brandi
          Participant

          Omg you guys! ๐Ÿ˜† illegal you’re so funny haha.

        • #66678
          REDRUM
          Participant

          “Nigger, nigger, nigger” LMFAO!

        • #66680
          Brandi
          Participant

          Be careful you guys! They are going to already goimg to take over the world and kill off all the whites. They mean business man… lol they will probably spare the white women with big asses. Squat! Squat for your life!! Lol. The other day this black guy tried to give me a ride home.. but it was more like “aye girl its too hott for your fine ass to be walking” im like “go away youre scaring me” he said dont worry “we love our little white girls.” So hopefully you and I are safe from the niggers Illegal

        • #66681
          REDRUM
          Participant

          I’m a border hopping, taco eating, donkey riding fucker. Will the porch monkeys spare me and my kind? We were mistreated by the crackers back in the day as well. Maybe we’ll become one. Tempted to walk up to a nigger and be like: “Yo! Wassup, my nigga! My pops walked out on me too, nigga.” Maybe then they’ll spare us. You white bitches are fucked, though. Better have those cheeks touching the floor pronto, lol.

        • #66682
          Brandi
          Participant

          Hey no we arent! Lol Im telling you. Black guys like us because we taste we best ๐Ÿ˜‰ tacos that is. Lol.

        • #66691
          joedirt9
          Participant

          Mmm, sweet tacos lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

        • #67375
          Kyle Butler
          Participant

          How do you calculate the speed of a jew ?

          Chimney’s height*wind’s speed.

          What’s the last thing that went through lady diana’s mind ?

          The radio set.

        • #66690
          joedirt9
          Participant

          @REDRUM no dice, I’m half spic, but I think we’re fuct anyway

    • #58501
      Aegrescit medendo
      Participant

      What goes: Fee fi fo, fo fee fi fi? Black guy dialing the phone.

      • #58502
        REDRUM
        Participant

        That was so cringy, I love it, lol. xD

    • #58503
      REDRUM
      Participant

      Q: What do you call a school bus full of nigger kids?
      A: A rotten banana.

      • #58700
        GDPR Harvester
        Keymaster

        What’s yellow on the outside, black on the inside and screams? A bus full of niggers going off the cliff.

        • #69821
          dubya
          Participant

          Yeah, but what’s the BAD news?

      • #62724
        filler
        Participant

        That wasn’t cringe, that sir, was gold.

    • #58506
      Gnat
      Participant

      Why don’t sharks eat niggers?
      They think it’s whale shit.

    • #58520
      Bat Shit Crazy
      Participant

      It is said that that vagina can be compared to a beautiful rose starting to bloom….but after sex?
      Resembles a bull dog eating mayonnaise.
      That is all-

      • #58675
        Gnat
        Participant

        I think it resembles a, hot from the oven, Krispy Kremeยฎ donut.

    • #58568
      REDRUM
      Participant

      What’s the deal with Airline food?

    • #58596
      Harumph
      Participant

      Why don’t we ever see a hippopotamus hiding in a tree?

      Because they’re really good at it.

    • #58597
      Harumph
      Participant

      My son asked me if he could go to a 50 cent concert. I told him, “Sure! Here’s a dollar. Take your brother with you.”

    • #58674
      GrimCompanion
      Participant

      My friend told me this one, and I’m never going to forgive her:

      What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

      One’s a crusty bus station and the other’s a busty crustacean.

    • #58676
      Gnat
      Participant

      Do you know the difference between a pile of shit and a box of cornflakes?

      If not, I’ll never ask you to go to the store to get a box of cornflakes.

    • #58685
      Brandi
      Participant

      What’s worse, @Manne, 8 babies in one trash can? Or 1 baby in 8 trashcans ๐Ÿ˜‰

      How do you put a baby in a blender? Feet first of course, you know, so you can see the facial expressions… How do you get it out? Tortilla chips.

      How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw it.

      What’s the hardest part about walking through a field of dead babies?
      Your erection

      Whats red, bubbling and scratches at the window? A baby in the microwave.

      what’s the difference between a pickup truck full of bowling balls and a pickup truck full of dead babies? you can’t unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

      Hey does anyone remember that post about that dad in Russia who tried spice and then ate his babies heart after splattering her on the wall, he claimed he was trying to rid the demons out of her? Now THAT was bad. lol.

      • #58694
        Brandi
        Participant

        @Aegrescit-medendo, I feel like you would like these..

        • #58735
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          The worst thing about being a barren woman is never getting to have an abortion.

        • #58736
          Brandi
          Participant

          How do you fool an aborted baby??
          You can’t, It wasn’t born yesterday! haha.

      • #58702
        GDPR Harvester
        Keymaster

        What’s red and sits in the corner? A baby chewing on razor blades.

        • #58704
          Brandi
          Participant

          Yum haha… What’s red and screams when you shake it? @BornToRun
          A skinned baby in a bag of salt..

        • #58713
          GDPR Harvester
          Keymaster

          Wow. Shake ‘n bake.

        • #58714
          Brandi
          Participant

          I don’t think those pancakes would be very appealing…….

          Well I guess if its skinned babies, then there defiantly would not be “a peel”.

      • #58787

        Crazy fact; Saddam Hussein is known to have had people put babies and children in automatic meat grinders feet first in front of parents to make them “confess”‘where the opposition is located. If they didn’t know anything their offspring got slowly meat grinded feet first. Saddam was a psychopath. Bin Laden was intelligent as fuck. I’m close to 98% certain he was really an atheist manipulating meaning of and taking advantage of Islamic writings. He was intelligent no doubt about it.

        • #58789
          REDRUM
          Participant

          Well, aren’t they great role models! I totally don’t mean that sarcastically at all! I worship Hitler myself! Like I said, totally not sarcasm! xD

        • #58803

          I haven’t, I don’t and I would never worship any man, animal or entity claiming to have power over me.

        • #58791
          Brandi
          Participant

          Yes he had to be very smart, but I’m more focused on your name, Brothel Inspector. 😀

        • #58801

          I’m a brothel inspector, why the focus? Got questions/want to report a crime?

        • #58807
          Brandi
          Participant

          Yes actually, why do you guys not deliver?

        • #58805

          I make sure brothels offer the quality expected by customers.

        • #58808
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          I need your help! There is a brother where all they serve for a continental breakfast is blue waffles and now I got blue berries!

        • #58809
          Brandi
          Participant

          Yum. HAHAHA

          But aegrescit? What is your facination with blue waffles

        • #58811
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          If you butter them up they’ll take syrup.

          Check it out we’re a regular Martin and Lewis. ๐Ÿ˜€

        • #59518

          I may be a new member but I’ve been lurking long enough to get concerned about aegrescits eccentrive obsession with blue waffles.
          Not sure if aegrescit is female or male. But neither make sense. Either female with blue waffles or male with a rare vaginal infection fetish.

          But also one of the most sarcastic members, which I love. So no offense. I’m just really stoned. <3

        • #59520
          Brandi
          Participant

          Hahaha!! He is my big brother. And yes we have agreed he is silly ๐Ÿ˜› Huh? @aegrescit-medendo.

        • #59525

          Assuming you really are siblings, and you share this intense gore (and sadistic gore based on comments) interest. I can’t help to think about genetical deprivation of empathy.

          Next train of thought is; How much do you really share. I hope not bodily fluids without protection (too common with family members with lack of self worth which can lead to environmental caused ASPD and incest).

          World doesn’t need more inbreeding.
          Have fun but be safe.

          Lol.

        • #59526
          Brandi
          Participant

          I’m Just kidding lol. We aren’t really siblings, he doesn’t even live in the same state..

        • #59528

          Well shit, there goes my perverted fantasy.

        • #59529
          Brandi
          Participant

          Lol, fantasies are made up anyway ๐Ÿ˜‰ so If brother and sister action is what you’re into, then fantasize away, and may the lord be with you.

        • #59530

          Sister, brother and the lord with me, sounds divine. Lol

        • #59533

          That would make for a crazy foursome.
          I’m not really into sibling action tbh, unless it’s twin sisters going down on each other. That can be hot.
          How did this turn into what I’m turned on by again? ๐Ÿ™‚

        • #59540
          Brandi
          Participant

          Have a nice day lol..

        • #59551
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          @brothelinspector The only thing my sister and I share is the toilet seat, so I can braid her hair while we poo.

          <3 Love you sis <3

        • #59555
          Brandi
          Participant

          Sometimes we braid it together. Into one braid. That way we are conjoined. We can also talk to each other that way. Sometimes we even braid our asshole hairs. I dye mine red, orange, and yellow and he dyes his green, blue, and purple so that it looks like a rainbow ๐Ÿ™‚ only it’s raining chocolate. Lol.

          Love you too brother! Haha

        • #59558
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          SICK!

        • #59565
          Brandi
          Participant

          Haha. @aegrescit-medendo So is shareing a toilet and pooping at the same time while you braid my hair!

          Jeez.. Take a joke Mr. “The Cure is worse that the Disease.”

        • #59566
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          That was a joke. As if you were the one to cross the line. ๐Ÿ˜›

        • #59568
          Brandi
          Participant

          Yeah, throw me under the bus why dont you.. ๐Ÿ˜›

        • #59674

          Nothing strange about that. Hell, I used to shampoo my lil sis hair sometimes showering, but that’s where I drew the line.

        • #59761
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          I bet she screamed when you got soap in her eyes.

        • #59889

          She’s a pretty strong individual so I doubt she would. I can’t recall her opposing any fluids to her eyes when I think back.

        • #59519

          Replied wrong comment I think o.O

        • #59521
          Brandi
          Participant

          no.. I don’t think anyone else has an interest in blue waffles.

    • #58695
      dickpiers
      Participant

      @brand-wall OMG… ROTFLOL! How come Black people can’t fall down? Because they’re knees grow faster than gravity.

      • #58696
        Brandi
        Participant

        lol Dick that’s funny xD Hahaha,
        What do apples and black people have in common?
        They both look good hanging from trees ๐Ÿ˜‰

        How do you make a dead baby float?
        Take your foot off its head.

        How else do you make a dead baby float?
        1 cup of root beer and 2 scoops of dead baby

        • #58698
          dickpiers
          Participant

          OMG, you’re killing me, @brandi-wall! ๐Ÿ˜€

        • #58703
          Brandi
          Participant

          I try. lol. Yesterday I couldn’t quit laughing… People say the darnedest things on here haha.

    • #58697
      dickpiers
      Participant

      Modern science reveals why basketball players are so tall: Their knees grow faster during adolescence.

    • #58701
      Brandi
      Participant

      Why are black people so good at basketball?
      Cause they can shoot, steal, and run!

      What does a black kid get for Christmas?
      Your bike.

      How do you save a drowning black person?
      You don’t

      Lol I’m not racist btw. Just know lots of jokes ๐Ÿ™‚

      • #58706
        GDPR Harvester
        Keymaster

        Ha ha. Why are black’s nostrils so big? That’s where God was holding them up with his two fingers while spray painting them black.

        • #58708
          Brandi
          Participant

          Haha, God is white too!!! So I’m sure he owned a few blacks.

          No I’m just kidding, I’ve tried convincing myself there is a god, but I just can’t wrap my head around the logic behind it.

          This conversation got kind of serious. ๐Ÿ™‚

        • #58711
          GDPR Harvester
          Keymaster

          Hey Brandi, I hear that, God is whoever you see Him or Her to be.

        • #58715
          GDPR Harvester
          Keymaster

          What if God was one of us?
          Just a slob like one of us?
          Just a stranger on the bus
          Trying to make His way home?

        • #58719
          Brandi
          Participant

          Completely ruined the depth of my thought! HAHAHA

        • #58716
          Brandi
          Participant

          But @BornToRun how does that make sense when all the religions contradict each other? And Honestly, I realized that It’s not really what you choose to believe, It’s more of a cultural thing. Most are groomed into the religion at childhood.
          I want to raise my daughter as a Christian though. Because, I’m afraid to die, so not believing anything is kind of depressing, It’s silly to be afraid of death, it’s inevitable, but I guess I think I just won’t exist..

          On the other hand… Think about how many sperm never get to be born. So I guess how dare I be worried about returning to what I was originally was (non existant before I was even sperm) when I got soo lucky to actually be born.

        • #58727
          GDPR Harvester
          Keymaster

          @brand-wall Yeah, that’s good for the kids to introduce them to religion like our parents did. Let them decide for themselves when they come of age that it is either for them or a bunch of crap.

        • #58729
          Brandi
          Participant

          She won’t be a religious ass hole though.
          Isn’t Christianity where the only person who judges you is the lord? And it’s a sin to judge? Yet those Christians are some of the most up tight and judgmental people I have ever met. hypocrites

        • #58745
          GDPR Harvester
          Keymaster

          So that’s something for a guy to think about while masturbating, how many unborn babies are being spilled out onto a toilet seat or into a tissue. Which comes back to religion about not spilling one’s seed. O.o A military general once quoted “95% of all men masturbate, the other 5% are liars”.

        • #58746
          Brandi
          Participant

          Lol, I’m pretty sure at least 5% of guys are handi cap or something else that could possibly make it impossible to “yank out out”.

        • #58945
          dickpiers
          Participant

          Babe, you’d fare better off reading her “Dianetics: The Original Manuscript” and “The Evolution Handbook” and “Eerdman’s Handbook to the Bible” than a 2,000 year old history book taken out of context. Oh, and I’m in love with you so there! :-*

        • #58976
          Brandi
          Participant

          Haha, But you barely know me Dick! Haha you’re silly.

          I don’t have an Instagram.. And Idk What that other thing was lol.

        • #58978
          dickpiers
          Participant

          You’re young dear. 8-to-5 you never looked up “love” in a dictionary. It basically means to care. Why the Instagram reference? You’re one funny AI. But, no, I love most people until I find a reason to abandon them to their ways. I love my race! ๐Ÿ™‚

        • #58986
          Brandi
          Participant

          Lol I thought you asked If I had a an instagram.. It must have been a different person or something. haha.

    • #58717
      dickpiers
      Participant

      Brandi, who’s the roundest knight at King Arthur’s table? Sir Cum Furins.

      • #58730
        Brandi
        Participant

        Lol I like that one Dick! I’m a math nerd haha..

        • #58740
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          Can you get your pi to a million places with just two digits?

        • #58741
          Brandi
          Participant

          umm?? I feel like this is a trick question.
          You mean like only 2 numbers? no haha, You can’t just change pi.

          Unless Its an edible one. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        • #58752
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          You can use two digits to find the area and then eat the circumference and the point on the y axis. If that doesn’t get your pi at a million places I’m going to try a new piece. ;P

        • #58756
          illegalsmile55
          Participant

          Blame it on the pi…..poor pi 😶

        • #58759
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          Don’t cry for pi.

        • #58757
          Brandi
          Participant

          What!! It kind of sounds like your talking about a vagina @aegrescit-medendo. ๐Ÿ˜‰ย 

          Hahaha no I’m just kidding. But I still don’t understand how the hell that makes sense.

          I guess your the math nerd here. Lol.ย 

        • #58758
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          You are so adorable. I want to tie a bear balloon around your wrist and give you a piggyback ride.

        • #58760
          Brandi
          Participant

          I’m not 4!! haha I’m 18, I can do with out the bear balloon. ๐Ÿ˜› But thanks ๐Ÿ™‚
          Man, I really just want some banana cream pie now. haha

        • #58762
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          No you’re getting the bear balloon whether you like it or not, you’re my little sister now, it’ll help me find you in the crowd if you get lost.

          Banana cream pie, you’re gonna make some poor guy bang up a wall. ๐Ÿ˜€

        • #58768
          Brandi
          Participant

          I’m your little sister? Okay . I can work with that, take me to Disneyland.. or Disney World?? The over priced one in Florida.ย 

          Also I have a few bullies I will need you to impale haha ๐Ÿ˜‰ย 

          And what do you mean about the poor guy banging up a wall? Haha.

        • #58773
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          I only have enough money to take you to one of those cheap fairs like where that girl got scalped.

          If your bullies are boys I’ll jam a string of Christmas tree lights in their pee holes. If they’re girls they get the dildo of thorns.

          If you want a banana cream pie so bad you’re gonna find out, mrs wall.

        • #58775
          Brandi
          Participant

          Hahahahahahahahaha. That poor child.. ripped off from the eye lids. . Well. Will you buy me chocolate covered bacon and fried pickles? Oh yeah with ranch. and you have to get me a fluffy unicorn from one of the stands. Even though they probably cost $2 to make. And your going to spend $25 trying to win it lol. Only then, will I agree to wear the balloon.

          And I could really go for a slice right now. So I guess I find out eventually. Haha. Aegrescit.

        • #58780
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          How bout I just steal you some shit from the dumpster and we split your slice.
          OK I’m done, I’m creeping myself out. ๐Ÿ˜€

        • #58782
          Brandi
          Participant

          Haha. Steal trash? No, at least from Wal-Mart! Jeez. We can not go to prison for stealing trash. So not worth it.

          And I do not share my slice of pie. ๐Ÿ˜‰ lol

        • #58786
          illegalsmile55
          Participant

          I keep reading your comments in Herbert’s voice, and that last one was a doozy!

        • #58788
          Brandi
          Participant

          Hahaha. Herbert like off of family guy? Lol that dude is so weird!

        • #58790
          REDRUM
          Participant

          *Herbert voice* “Hiiiiii, Brandi. Mmmm. You like pop(LISP)sicles? I got a pop(LISP)sicle you can wrap your lip(LISP)s around.” ๐Ÿ˜‰

        • #58794
          Brandi
          Participant

          That made me laugh sooo much Redrum. But I am freezing cold right now. So no popshhicles for me at the moment.

        • #58797
          REDRUM
          Participant

          LMAO. I gotta admit, he is my favorite character from the show. It used to be Quagmire, but damn, that old dude is fucking hilarious. Even if he is a pedophile, lmfao. xD

        • #58799
          Brandi
          Participant

          Stewie is my favorite. He is smarter than them all lol. I want his time machine.

        • #58800
          REDRUM
          Participant

          Stewie was cool in the first few seasons. He’s a straight up fag now, and it’s just weird. I have nothing against the homos, but they just fucked up his character. He was evil and smart, now he’s just 50 Shades of Gay.

        • #58806
          Brandi
          Participant

          True haha. That episode where he goes out to dinner with Brian to make that one bitch jealous. And Stewie says. “When we get back home you can watch me have my period.” Or something along those lines.. I thought that was soo funny.

        • #58793
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          @illegalsmile55 I hope you’re talking about the old pervert from Family Guy LMFAO! Please tell me I got that right? Last one made me cringe a little bit but If I made her and anyone else laugh it was worth it.

        • #58796
          Brandi
          Participant

          It is cringe comedy ๐Ÿ˜‰

        • #58839
          illegalsmile55
          Participant

          How many pedo’s do you know named Herbert?!

          I love his dog too. 😁

        • #58848
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          It’s a pretty common nom de guerre in the community.

        • #58853
          illegalsmile55
          Participant

          “If it gets too hot and sweaty out here, feel free to take your shirt off”

          Chester and Lester are popular noms also.

        • #58742
          Brandi
          Participant

          Oh wait! you can use the digits 7 and 2.

          22/7.
          there is not an exact fraction for pi though, It is infinite haha.

      • #58753
        Aegrescit medendo
        Participant

        Hey Dick, I heard He surrounds himself with tan gents.

        • #58761
          dickpiers
          Participant

          Of course God’s a German. He made himself in My image. ๐Ÿ˜€

        • #58766
          Brandi
          Participant

          Lol Dick. But wouldn’t that make you the father of your god.. I’m turn makeing you the God of gods..

          I want to go to Germany. haha.

        • #58774
          dickpiers
          Participant

          Talk like that gives me the Urge To Juice carrots and serve you a glass from the tap, Brandi. ๐Ÿ˜€

        • #58776
          Brandi
          Participant

          Oh my gosh Dick! Why carrots? Hahaha

          Are you guys being dirty? I’m so clueless.. lol.

        • #58880
          dickpiers
          Participant

          Diabetic? Have cucumber juice! Anemic? Sorry I don’t serve liverwurst. Or Fava beans. Or Chianti.

          Carrot juice is good for the eyes. That’s why Not-Sees drink it. ๐Ÿ™‚

          Actually, B12 prevents optical neuropathy. Maybe Germany had a mass B12 deficiency during the Great Depression? That explains why so many did Not-See things. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • #58731
      dickpiers
      Participant

      Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.

      How does an 80-year old pirate say hello? Aye matey!

      Is it possible to eat an 80-year old beaver sandwich with cheese? Depends. Do you like Roquefort? Ever peeled apart a grilled cheese?

      • #58732
        Brandi
        Participant

        What haha!!

    • #58738
      dickpiers
      Participant

      Why was Cinderella such a bad basketball player? Her coach was a pumpkin.

      Cinderella fell in her room, broke her arm, went to the kitchen, fell, and broke it again. She calls a doctor and says, “I broke her arm in two places.” He says, “Don’t go into those two places.”

      Next day, Cinderella returns with a string bean in one nostril, a raspberry in the other, and carrots stuck in her ears. She says, “Doc, I can’t breathe, can’t hear, and I have low energy.” He looks at her and replies, “Well, you’re definitely not eating right.”

      • #58739
        Brandi
        Participant

        Hahahaha, What did she have in her butt then!? Oh I can only imagine the horror.

        • #58764
          dickpiers
          Participant

          Black cock, of course! Why did the black rooster fuck a brown hen, cross the road, fuck a white hen, roll in pig shit, and cross the road again? Because he was a dirty double crosser!

    • #58743
      dickpiers
      Participant

      A knee-grow, a spic, a kike and a Nazi are eating lunch on a yacht. The knee-grow says, “In my country, we have too much watermelon,” so he throws the watermelon overboard. The spic says, “In my country we have too many burritos,” so he throws the burrito overboard. The kike says, “In my country we have too much money, and I want more,” and pulls a gun. The Nazi shoots them all dead and says, “In my country we have too many knee-grows, spics and kikes,” and throws their them overboard.

    • #58744
      Brandi
      Participant

      Hahahaha, Germans are pretty hard core like that.

    • #58763
      REDRUM
      Participant

      Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
      A: An impasta!

      • #58769
        Brandi
        Participant

        Lol that one was good hahaha.

      • #58771
        dickpiers
        Participant

        What’s a nuclear submariner’s favorite meal? Fission chips. How often do they eat it? Any port in a storm. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • #58770
      iCthulhu
      Participant

      I’ve been arrested for robbing a bank dressed as a frog.

      It’s the first time I’ve ever kermitted a crime.

      • #58772
        Brandi
        Participant

        Haha next time. Get 1,000 frongs. Give them steroids. Then take them with you, and put fear into the hearts of everyone at bank of America.

        • #58909
          dickpiers
          Participant

          Frong n. frahng 1. A topless French woman on steroids wearing a thong 2. Any topless muscle beach in France 3. A flash mob of critical mass (1,000+) that emits bluster and fear paralyzing victims in their tracks when two boobs are mechanically compressed into one, releasing neutrons, a halo, and a shock wave.

        • #58910
          Brandi
          Participant

          Hahaha I meant to say FROGS..

    • #58783
      haydolf_hittler
      Participant

      what do you call an african with a sheet of corrugated metal? A property investor

    • #58784
      REDRUM
      Participant

      Q: What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours?
      A: Nacho cheese!
      Huehuehuehuehue.

      • #58785
        Brandi
        Participant

        Haha a a baby tomatoe, a mommy tomatoe and a daddy tomatoe are walking. The baby starts falling behind. So the daddy turns aroumd. And stomps on him and he says “ketchup”. Haha. I got that one from Pulp Fiction. I love that movie lol

    • #58792

      Stastically; 9 out of 10 enjoy gang rape.

    • #58795

      Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a day,
      Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

      • #58798
        Brandi
        Participant

        Set everything in fire.

    • #58810
      dickpiers
      Participant

      A CGI plane is crashing into a WTC video. A fake female passenger strips naked, “Is there any man who can make me feel like a woman one last time?” The fake hijacker takes off his shirt, “Here, iron this.”

      • #58813
        dickpiers
        Participant

        That’s so funny, four Israelis in a white van showed up, started dancing on my roof, laughing out out, and began taking out my roofing screws. I told them to stop but one guy pulls an Uzi. I run, call police, but when cops arrive the Israelis AND my metal roof are gone. I told the cops what happened. They arrested me for hate crime and said I never had a roof. After I’m released on bail, I get home. My cabin collapsed into its own footprint. Luckily, I took out two billion-dollar insurance policies on my home the day before the van mysteriously showed up. I made sure my insurance policy covered dancing Israelis, on a rooftop, that may cause sudden collapse after removal because that always happens.

    • #58812
      Brandi
      Participant

      Hahahaha. You win, that was funny. Although it’s not that far fetched. I iron clothes, cook dinner and clean. So I guess women are all the same in the department.

      • #58814
        dickpiers
        Participant

        Oh, no, milady, I forfeit the medal. You win the gold medal. Oh, look, some guy is shooting at us in a Batman movie. No fear, dear, here, let me dive in front of you.

        • #58815
          Brandi
          Participant

          Aww your take a bullet for me? I’m a Batman movie? Haha

    • #58823
      Riff raff
      Participant

      Little boy and a man go into the woods as they get deeper it gets darker eventually the boy says mister I’m scared the man looks down and says your scared I have to come back out alone

      • #58824
        Brandi
        Participant

        Haha. That was fan freaking tastic. Riff Raff.

        • #58827
          Riff raff
          Participant

          Appreciate that one of my favorites

    • #58825
      Riff raff
      Participant

      Or not so cringy as it just cracks me up a guy breaks down on the side of a mountain Windows stuck down with it pouring out side he calls a tow truck and decides that he would go up to the house he’s in front of so he ring the door bells and knocks no answer all the lights are on so he looks in the window and there is a old couple In the kitchen butt naked she’s beating her tity on the table and he’s holding a umbrella jerking off guy says fuck this and waits in the car tow truck comes and picks him up at the shop he gets to talking to the wrench jokey and tells him about the strange indeed the repair man explains they’re deaf mutes she was telling him to go milk the cow and he was telling her fuck you it’s raining

    • #58826
      dickpiers
      Participant

      Um, you? A bullet? It depends if you took a load in your belly from my gun. I might jump in front a rifle if the pregnancy was planned and you carried a boy. ๐Ÿ˜›

      • #58830
        Brandi
        Participant

        Oh wow you really know how to make a girl want to have your kids Dick. So what if it was a girl? You would just let both of us die?? But who would you fuck then?!?! Oh could you imagine the disaster! Haha

        No seriously though I am not haveing anymore kids. One is enough for me.

        • #58838
          dickpiers
          Participant

          Good point, the online dating ratio is 1:20 male female. I, actually, would have trouble finding a vacant womb. You, on the other hand? Well, the Bible DOES say women haven’t a soul. Lol, I imagine you’d cope better with my loss than vice versa. ๐Ÿ˜›

        • #58843
          Brandi
          Participant

          Lol yes we doo!! Haha, what do have against us anyway? ๐Ÿ™‚ And I’m not sure… then I would have to tell out kid that you died.. And also I wouldn’t have anyone to cook for. And no one to work to pay the bills.

        • #58850
          dickpiers
          Participant

          Women are dope! Just say no to drugs! D.A.R.E. Lol, not at all, I love smoking dope. Smoking Bibles are cool. But that’s how we Germans roll. We burn books. And villages. Huns just wanna have fun, Hon.

          How does a Hun seduce a woman? He smiles, strokes her hair, then drags her by it to his cave.

          What do you get when you cross Jerry Seinfeld with Ann Coulter? A fun hun.

        • #58855
          Brandi
          Participant

          Hahaha. Well thanks for calling us dope. You smoke dope? As in crack? Or marijuana?

          I’m not a pot head, but I like a little green ๐Ÿ™‚

          I’d believe that about how you seduce a girls. Germans are, kind of scary, like in a, gouge out your eye balls then relax with some heroin, kind of scary.

        • #58862
          dickpiers
          Participant

          No, Hon, those are Huns. I’m a Visigoth. Even we didn’t like the Huns. You have a kitty? Aw, I wanna see! Actually, no, smoking dope is whack. All smoke contains cyanogen. That’s why I keep B12 in my antidote kit.

          Aw, here’s a Rainbow Brite balloon. And a Barney the purple dinosaur stuffed toy. Lol, so are you a single mother at age eighteen?

          Congratulations! I haven’t got a Darwin Award yet. How could you be single? You cook and clean AND iron shirts! ๐Ÿ™‚

          Capcom, we located a unicorn. Please advise. Over.

        • #58885
          Brandi
          Participant

          Lol I don’t know what that is xD.
          And yes I prefer edibles myself.. but I’m not trying to kill my brain calls so I only do it sometimes.

          And I’m probably single because most 18 year old boys, Want ass and tits, minus the baby I have. I cant go on a date a guy, because I’d have to take her with me. What I need is a man lol like an older man. Someone who actually needs a wife to clean and stuff. No teenage boy wants that.. they have their mom. But it’s okay. I’ll find me an experianced man who can hit it right.. teenage boys are pitiful. I just need to find an old guy (not like 80 old haha) more 30 or 40 that would actually date an 18 year old with a kid1. Id like to be a little house wife. It’s about the only thing I can do ๐Ÿ™‚

          And no I don’t have a cat. It died ๐Ÿ™

        • #58915
          dickpiers
          Participant

          Oh, Brandi! Other than his curious foray into dick piercing, the man you seek stands before you ably. However you’d live in the country thirty miles from town on a family farm. And it’d be like the witness protection program because there’s nothing to do. But, hey, at least we’d have each other? LMAO, next I’ll be dropping the L-word on a stranger. ๐Ÿ˜›

        • #58917
          Brandi
          Participant

          Haha are going to pay to send me, my kid, and all of our belongings out there? Lol. Wasn’t ready for that one huh?

        • #58924
          Bat Shit Crazy
          Participant

          Oh hell Brandi, You don’t take him, I will! (as long as he is not afraid of a few wolves). Being 40 and newly divorced, all I can think about is kinky sex…..sex sex and more sex….and a man into altering his member and gore? HELLS YA!
          …… and seclusion? that’s a plus….but, he must like cannabis, otherwise it’s a no go. I am an adrenaline junky, (I skydive), and what goes up….must come down.

        • #58925
          Brandi
          Participant

          Damn girl! I wanna skydive lol. Kinky sex is the BEST SEX btw!

        • #58927
          Bat Shit Crazy
          Participant

          OMG, wait until u turn 40……it is all I can think about….LMAO (sorry). Skydiving? yeah….adrenaline is my drug of choice, can’t beat the 125 mph free fall, AND it’s cheaper than racing cars. But if he won’t take you and your one kid, I’m out of the question, I has 3 of them – but no worries, the’re already grown. lol

        • #58928
          Brandi
          Participant

          125 mph, that’s awesome. Adrenalin is also a drug I enjoy haha. I used to go to the park and swing on these huge swings.. Swing as high as I could and listen to White Chapel turned all the way up!

          I want through a lot of headphones haha. And now I can barely hear lol.

        • #58930
          Bat Shit Crazy
          Participant

          Girl….you’re AWESOME! I do cross country rescues sometimes, when no other wolf rescues step up. I remember rescuing 14 year old Faden from Vegas, ran out of weed, so a friend in Arizona hooked me up. I rolled one up and took three puffs when I turned the bend and found my self at a border checkpoint in el paso……..omg lol, I’m such a blond. The dog smelled it asap and they searched my car…ect. I had two wolves with me I just rescued. Long story short. They told me they appreciate what I’m doing, and advised me to go on my way and throw my coffee away at the next exit. They threw all my weed and papers in my coffee cup and let me go….oh, That is after I accidently flashed them , thinking I had more weed stuffed in my bra (I forgot I already took it out) lmao. I was so blond, I even asked why the check point was there in the first place…..uh duh……Mexico was across the street.
          That’s a blond for you, smokin a joint while pulling up to a border patrol checkpoint. in my defence, I thought it was a truck weigh station. Anyways….about Texas, I remember that was the first time the 14 year old wolf even seen grass ๐Ÿ™‚

        • #58933
          Brandi
          Participant

          That funny haha. I’ve done some stupid things like that too. Eventually, it just becomes so normal to have, sometimes you forget it’s illegal. I have only been to Oklahoma city, and Texas. But I want to travel someday. I don’t know If I could rescue wolf’s though. That sounds pretty serious work!

          Haha “I flashed them”
          And I have always noticed that when the coffee maker is on.. for a half second it does smells like weed!

        • #58934
          Bat Shit Crazy
          Participant

          HAHAHAHAHA! I was camping in Pa years ago and smelled a skunk nearby and didn’t notice. I kept thinking to myself, why do I smell weed? who’s smoking weed? I’m in the middle of no where and I smell weed!
          LMAO
          Hence the name skunk weed- I guess!

        • #58935
          Brandi
          Participant

          Same! Everytime I smell one I think the same thing.. Where are they at?.. would they share, shit!

        • #58938
          Bat Shit Crazy
          Participant

          LOLOLOLOL!!!!
          Thank you!
          Now I don’t feel alone~

        • #58939
          Brandi
          Participant

          Me either! I wish we share a bowl right now haha, I have a headache, it always helps with that.

        • #58936
          Bat Shit Crazy
          Participant

          Wolves are not so big and bad, BTW, People scare me more, lol
          Wolves are actually very shy, that is why you don’t hear much about them attacking humans…like bears cats, alligators, ect.
          Humans only fear what they don’t understand….and when they see a wolf, they are judging themselves thinking a wolf will sense they are bad….this is not really true.
          The difference between a wolf and a dog is a wolf has mentality of adult and is independant and can make their own decisions- a dog is like 5 year old child, needing to be told what to do.
          Perhaps if I ever pass through again, I can hit you up and say hi.
          Since I went to Cali in 2013 and rescued the mexican grey wolf from trap, I am at my limit of 5 canids….but never say never. And yes, when I went to cali, I went 4 hours out of my way to avoid el paso….was NOT about to do THAT again! LMAO

        • #58946
          dickpiers
          Participant

          Let’s just say, Patrice, where I live? Everyone grows their own. I’m into adrenergic stimulation. Actually, Patrice, I’m getting a superior effect. Adrenaline speeds up the depletion of CH3- methyl donors. I began active forms of methyl-B9 glucosamine, methyl-B12 and a multi. I have energy again. Anyways, hello from the outside! At least I can say that I tried to tell you I’d love you. :-*

        • #59029
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          @patrice I’ve heard these lies before, why is it that when a woman wants to be “kinky” something has to go up my ass but when I want to throw a little diaper-play into the mix I have to sleep on the couch?

        • #59035
          Brandi
          Participant

          WTH Aegrescit. (face palm.)

    • #58828
      Riff raff
      Participant

      A southern sherif was at a crime scene in the north where they were dredging up a nigger covered in chains the northern cop looks to the southern cop and says can u believe that sherif says yep just like a nigger trying to steal more chains than he could swim with

      • #58831
        Brandi
        Participant

        Silly Riff Raff. Black people can’t swim.

        • #58841
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          Yeah but they sure can row.

        • #58846
          Brandi
          Participant

          I think you’re thinking of basketball.. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • #58832
      Riff raff
      Participant

      Or another favorite here a northern boy and a southern boy go out fishing they see a group out in a bout towing a black boy on skis northern boy says isn’t that nice those writes skiing that black fellow southern bow says hate to tell you but they’re trolling for alligators

      • #58834
        Brandi
        Participant

        Lol I want to feed someone to an alligator.

        • #58845
          Riff raff
          Participant

          Definitely would be fun to watch

        • #58847
          Brandi
          Participant

          I would tape it so I can share the gore with all you lovely sickos.

        • #58852
          dickpiers
          Participant

          Ah, ah! A homeless spic at a bus stop says, “Can I give you some advice?” I’m like, “Sure.” “If you ever kill somebody, don’t tell anyone.” True story.

        • #58854
          dickpiers
          Participant

          Besides, if you went to the cooler, who’d give us sickies giggles and wet dreams? And you wouldn’t get free popshhhickles from Redrum! That alone is a reason to hush puppy. Speaking of puppies, I love animals. ๐Ÿ™‚

        • #58857
          Riff raff
          Participant

          I agree they are delicious

        • #58859
          Brandi
          Participant

          Yum. Me and a friend were just talking about putting small animals in a juicer, to give to our enemies. Muahahahaha.

        • #58858
          Brandi
          Participant

          Lol wet dreams? Do guys actually have those.. like to you just kiss in your sleep! Haha.

          And I like animals too. Kitty cats to be exact!

    • #58899
      Chen
      Participant

      A Muslim walks into a bar

      And no one survive from the blast

      • #58902
        Brandi
        Participant

        :O well damn. I’m never going to a bar..

        • #58903
          Chen
          Participant

          Good idea just stay in the kitchen

        • #58905
          Brandi
          Participant

          Well then, fine! I was planning on baking brownies tonight anyway!! How ironic..

    • #58904
      Riff raff
      Participant

      So a guy goes into a bar walks up to the most gorgeous woman there and tells her he wants to have some kinky sex with her so they go back to his place and fuck and it’s good but normal they finish and the girl says that was amazing but normal the whole time I thought you wanted to do something kinky guy says I did I shit in your purse before we started

      • #58906
        Brandi
        Participant

        Hahahaha, thats fucking hilarious..

      • #58912
        Bat Shit Crazy
        Participant

        I mastered making the ‘canna-oil’ with coconut oil…takes me 8 hours to infuse. Love the stuff!

    • #58907
      Bat Shit Crazy
      Participant

      It’s raining men (911 edition)

    • #58940
      haydolf_hittler
      Participant

      have you tried salvia?

      • #58942
        Brandi
        Participant

        No, Have you? Ive heard of it though. Its illegal here, you can’t buy it anymore.
        I think since 2011?

    • #59254
      DarkSea
      Participant

      A man sits weeping next to his wife’s deathbed. His wife weakly whispers to him, “Darling?”
      “Yes, dear?”
      “I…I have something to tell you before I die.”
      “Save your strength, dear…”
      “No, I must tell you, I need a clean conscience…I’ve been having an affair behind your back for the last three years.”
      The husband replies, “I know that, dear, why else do you think I poisoned you?”

      .

      What do you call a jew with a gas tank strapped to hes back? addicted
      what do you call a jew with two gas tanks? a dealer

      .

      A young little girl was found crying sitting next to a cliff, she was found by an older man wich asked, “whats wrong little girl?” she told him her parents had just fell down the edge. He then said, “I guess its not your lucky day” as he unbuckled hes belt…

    • #59266
      dickpiers
      Participant

      Your momma’s so fat, when the Nazis made her into soap and lampshades, it lifted the Fatherland out of the Great Depression!

      • #59268
        Aegrescit medendo
        Participant

        You hear the one about the blond Jew, she lights her labia menorah during Hanukkah.

    • #59267
      dickpiers
      Participant

      Here’s a doozy. Dick Piers marries someone Bat Shit Crazy. And we live happily ever after. The punch line, “No, seriously!”

    • #59331
      FinalExit
      Participant

      Your mommy is so fat, she uses sheep as tampons

      • #59333
        Brandi
        Participant

        Your mama’s so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone.

        Your mama’s so ugly her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

        She’s so hairy, you almost died from carpet burn while being born.

        Haha, that last one though.

        • #59336
          FinalExit
          Participant

          Your mama’s so ugly, tears run down the back of head to avoid her face

        • #59347
          Brandi
          Participant

          Your mama’s so old she has a separate entrance for black dicks.

          ๐Ÿ˜€

        • #59348
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          Ha. She only let’s them in through the back door. Wonder if she makes them eat back there too?

        • #59356
          Brandi
          Participant

          Lol your mama’s so nasty, she got has more clap than an auditorium.

          Hahaha.. so I would not eat back there. Up there there. In there.. Or anywhere.

        • #59358
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          “Hush that fuss/everybody move to the back of the bus”

        • #59609
          Sadistic
          Participant

          Your momma so nasty, she gets sour dough yeast infections.

        • #59613
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          Your mom’s so fat the tub leaves a ring around her.

    • #59334
      deathbyduck87
      Participant

      Q:What’s black and blue and loves anal sex?
      A:The little girl in my trunk

      A little alligator swims up to a big alligator and asks him how he got so big. The big alligator says “I eat niggers”. The little alligator looks at him confused and replies “That’s strange!I eat niggers too and I’m not nearly as big as you”. Then the big alligator tells him he must be doing something wrong and asks him how he does it. The little alligator says “I swim up behind them growl really big and bite down”. The big alligator says “Damn boy you can’t growl and scare them! You’re so small because all you’ve been eating is nigger shit and tennis shoes”.

    • #59357
      Aegrescit medendo
      Participant

      What’s the difference between a woman and a dog? When a dog licks your mouth after a blowjob it doesn’t pout when you make it sleep on the floor.

      • #59801
        illegalsmile55
        Participant

        @Aegrestic medendo, your dog gives blow jobs?! That’s fucking amazing!
        I’m ready and waiting for your retort! Lay it on me, or as Marvin Gaye said, “let’s get it on”!

        • #59860
          Aegrescit medendo
          Participant

          @illegalsmile55 Oh yeah, he’ll do pretty much anything you want but you have to try it on him first. Let’s just say our first song was “what’s going on” but when he gave me that look and that Scooby-Doo laugh…


          @redrum69
          No, I just have to vomit on it.


          @brand-wall
          Do you do two for one specials? If so, you have a deal provided my client has his face blurred out in any of the videos.

      • #59802
        REDRUM
        Participant

        Do you use peanut butter on your cock or dog treats?

      • #59806
        Brandi
        Participant

        Oh god.. @aegrescit-medendo this is the last time I let you take care of my puppies…

        There’s 6 of them! Do you at least take turns?!?

        I guess I can’t say much, because well, my career is licking dog butts ๐Ÿ™ $1000 per lick depending on size and consistency :'(

    • #59385
      deathbyduck87
      Participant

      Q:What is a nigger?
      A:Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.

      Q;Why do they stink?
      A:So blind people can hate them too.

      Q:What did the nigger get on his S.A.T’s
      A:Bar-B-Q sauce

      Q:Why are the trees so close in Harlem?
      A:Public Transportation

      Q:What do you call a 14 year old black hooker with braces?
      A;A Black and Decker Pecker Wrecker

      Q;What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?
      A:Niggers

      Q;Why do niggers have flat noses?
      A:That’s where god put his foot when he pulled off their tails.

    • #59569
      REDRUM
      Participant

      Q: When is a girl ready for sex?
      A: If her age is on the clock, she’s old enough for cock.

    • #59616
      Sadistic
      Participant

      A man and a woman are driving down the street when they hit a skunk. The man stops the car and the woman notices there is a baby skunk. She gets out and picks it up, gets back in the car with the baby skunk. Later down the road, they see a cop coming.

      The man: “Quick, hide that skunk. I’m not sure if they’re endangered and I don’t want to get caught with it.”
      The woman: “Okay, I’ll hide it under my dress.”
      The man: “But what about the smell?”
      The woman: “It’ll be ok as long as it doesn’t get scared.”
      The man: “I didn’t mean the skunk.”

    • #60031
      ruzzky
      Participant

      How many Jews fit into an average car?

      All. In the ashtray.

    • #60036
      dickpiers
      Participant

      What do you call a guy who likes Brandy but can’t drink it? A hypocrite.

      • #60037
        Brandi
        Participant

        Lol, THAT”S ME!!

    • #60356
      tas tiger
      Participant

      2 guys working in a morgue…
      Guy 1 ” you should have seen the clitoris on that elderly lady that came in earlier, it was like a pickle”
      Guy 2 “what? that big?”
      Guy 1 “no, that sour”

      • #61164
        Sadistic
        Participant

        I gotta remember that one. Fuckin hilarious!

    • #60358
      Gnat
      Participant

      If you ever kill anyone, keep it to yourself.

    • #62191
      Acneska
      Participant

      “Is it possible to insert 2 holes through one hole?”

      Nobody is able to answer

      Teacher: “You guys are so stupid. Go and ask your parents and come back tomorrow with an answer.”

      The next day too, nobody is able to answer the question.

      Teacher: “Well, it seems your parents are stupid as well. See the answer is so simple.”

      Then the teacher makes a circle using his thumb and index finger and keeps it in front of his nostrils.

      Teacher: “See, it was so simple, yet nobody was able to answer.”

      The next day, a student comes up to the teacher and says, “Sir, my father has asked if it’s possible to insert 7 holes through one hole?”

      Teacher: “No, that’s impossible.”

      Students: “It is possible, my father said.”

      Teacher : “How?”

      Student: “Take a flute and shove it up your ass.”

    • #62948
      Anghellic
      Participant

      What’s a cheaper alternative than to getting an abortion? Throwing yourself down a flight of stairs xD

    • #63199
      Anghellic
      Participant

      Q: How do Chinese parents decide what to name their children?
      A: By tossing a coin down the stairs xD

    • #63200
      Anghellic
      Participant

      Q: How did the black girl know her mother was on the rag?
      A: Her brothers dick tasted funny.

    • #63203
      Brandi
      Participant

      Hahaha that one was too much ๐Ÿ˜†

    • #63488
      ruzzky
      Participant

    • #64405
      Mike
      Participant

      What is the crookedest thing in the world? A fart you aim it at the floor & it hits you in the nose.

    • #65742
      indigo401
      Participant

      Q: How do you eat a vegetable?

      A:Take her out of the wheelchair
      xd

    • #65744
      indigo401
      Participant

      Q: What do you get when you cross an Octopus and a nigger ?

      A: I don’t know but it sure could pick the fuck out of some cotton

    • #66160
      REDRUM
      Participant

      Q: What do you call a Jewish Pokemรณn Trainer?

      A: Ash.

    • #68310
      AmeriMex
      Participant

      Can i see it? I am an asshole hair inspector?

    • #69625
      CryBaby
      Participant

      One day, a wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

      Naturally, she was very upset. โ€œYou are a disrespectful pig!โ€ she cried. โ€œHow dare you do this to me! Iโ€™m a faithful wife, the mother of your children! Iโ€™m leaving you. I want a divorce right away!โ€

      The husband replied, โ€œHang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.โ€

      โ€œGo ahead,โ€ she sobbed, โ€œbut theyโ€™ll be the last words youโ€™ll say to me!โ€

      So the husband began, โ€œWell, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.

      She told me that she hadnโ€™t eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night. The ones you wouldnโ€™t eat because youโ€™re afraid youโ€™ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments!

      Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but donโ€™t wear because you say they are too tight.

      I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you donโ€™t wear because I donโ€™t have good taste.

      I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you donโ€™t wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and donโ€™t wear because someone at work has a pair the same.โ€

      The husband took a quick breath and continued, โ€œShe was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and saidโ€ฆ โ€œDo you have anything else that your wife doesnโ€™t use?โ€

    • #80763
      Hidd3nA3sassian
      Participant

      what’s the worst part about locking your keys In your car out front of an abortion clinic

      having to walk in and ask for a coat hanger XD

    • #96807
      Marky Ramones Wig
      Participant

      What do you call a Welsh paki? …… ram-a-lamb

Viewing 66 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.