Dear Sir, Please shit in this pot

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    • #108344
      GDPR Harvester
      Keymaster

      A friend of mine turned 60 the other day and for his birthday he got a little package from his local health centre containing a small pot and a request for him to poop in it and return said pot to centre so they could test it and see if he was dying of anything. Now I’m all for advanced screening but this does seem a little in the face (or ass). Apparently, unbeknownst (I knew the spell check would light this one up) to me, everyone in the country gets one of these pots on their 60th birthday along with a “Dear Sir/Madam, Please shit in this pot” letter. I find it a little weird….or maybe I’m just a little weird? 😶

    • #108345
      GDPR Harvester
      Keymaster

      Come to think of it, I think I’d be happy to be considered weird. Getting a letter from the nanny-state requesting some poop from you just doesn’t seem right.

      • #108346

        I love you dearly as you know @psychotherapist but in this case i disagree with you.

        Im happy for the state to check me for bowel cancer as it is proven to work to some degree.

        What i don’t like is being told we need more than two genders and that we need to have headchoppers amongst us for our benefit!

    • #108349
      GDPR Harvester
      Keymaster

      @hopingfornemesis

      Ah, you misunderstand me, good sir. It’s not the fact that they want to check and see if all is ok with me, it’s getting asked directly to send a pot of poop via the mail to them. Most surgeries I’ve been registered with would send me a letter (or phone me) asking me to make an appointment to see the doctor who would then explain to me why I had been summoned, tell me what he’d like me to do (ie poop in pot) and then send me away with the pot in my hand to fill at my discretion and then return it to the surgery at a later date. Checking me out is fine, direct Poop-in-the-Pot approach is just fucking weird….to me. Too many things can go wrong when there is more than one pair of hands involved in the process. Concerning my poop and my postman, neither of them have, or ever have had, any desire to have any contact with each other.

    • #108350

      Fair point @psychotherapist

      • #108354
        GDPR Harvester
        Keymaster

        @hopingfornemesis

        I just think that some things should be done discreetly and not arranged by gossipy staff. Imagine this: in the office, which is usually in view and open to the general waiting area, a voice rings out, “Hey, Julie! Mr PsychoTheRapist is 60 tomorrow, can you send him a dump trunk in the mail and ask him to do a shit test for us? Ta, love!” Now every member of staff and possibly quite few patients in the waiting area all know my business….something that’s supposed to be confidential. Doesn’t seem right to me. Ok, an extreme scenario but not out of the realms of possibility. I’ve heard stuff about patients from the staff talking loudly that I really shouldn’t have heard. Stuff like this should be discreet.

        It’s not about embarrassment; hell, we all poop….yes, girls, you too – obviously we know girls don’t fart because they can’t keep their mouths shut long enough to build up the pressure but they do poop. Can you girls imagine being in a waiting room and a gobby staff member comes out and says in front of everyone, “Miss Poppy Daily, could you take this pot to the toilet and give us a sample so we can check there’s nothing wrong with your bowel?” How would that make you feel? Again, another extreme example, but I’m just trying to make the point: discretion, please; privacy, please, and as few people involved as possible.

    • #108366

      Yes ,you are right about loss of privacy .all these med records now get outsourced to india etc so now every hacker,read insurer, gets to look at med records without permission etc
      @psychotherapist

    • #109779
      Lord Wankdust
      Participant

      In Scotland our National Health Service screens every one once they reach the age of 50. A little card with “peel-back” windows (3 windows) is sent via regular postal service. A little sheet of card sticks is included in the package. Each windowed card has a unique bar-code identifying the patient. It is a very simple process.
      1. Have a shit taking care to impact the falling turd on the side of the pan (a glancing blow if you like). The sample should not have been under the toilet water. It needs to be arse-fresh and not dripping with toilet water. I have become quite adept atthe “glancing blow” technique of sample shitting.
      2. Use one of the detachable card sticks to collect a little scoop of turd.
      3. Open one of the peel-back windows and smear the shit into the space.
      4. Close the window.

      Repeat the process each day until the three windows are filled.

      This little card with three samples of shit is then sent to Scotland’s Turd Screening Service which is based in Dundee. I remember thinking that some poor bastard in Dundee was being paid to examine my shit. Imagine my delight when I was recalled for a further test when they found an irregularity in two out of three of my samples. Imagine my disappointment when it turned out to be a false alarm and I didn’t have Bowel Cancer after all! I took the box of adult nappies (US = Diapers) back to the shop as they were unopened and unused and I wouldn’t be needing them after all.

      http://www.isdscotland.org/Health-topics/Cancer/Bowel-Screening/

      I look forward to my two yearly shitfest like meeting an old friend for lunch. I think it is brilliant. I probably wont die of Bowel Cancer in a shit-filled nappy now. It is a weight off my mind.

    • #109791
      GDPR Harvester
      Keymaster

      I got to warn you all. If you recently receive a letter requesting you to self exam for prostate cancer, it may be pleasant, but it’s not endorsed but any government institution anywhere. Hope it helps 🙂 🙂 🙂

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