Limericks

Best Gore Forums Chill Out Zone Funny and Cute Limericks

This topic contains 15 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  GDPR Harvester 9 months ago.

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  • #102449

    GDPR Harvester
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    I adore limericks and have come across some really good ones in my life. Please post your favourite limericks here as I’d love to find some good ones I’ve not seen before. I’ll start the ball rolling with three funny ones.

    There was a young girl from Pitlochery
    She was had by a monk in a rockery
    She cried “Oh you’ve cum
    All over my bum
    This isn’t a fuck, it’s a mockery!”

    There was a young man from Florida
    Fancied a friend’s wife and so borrowed her
    “My God!” he cried
    As he clambered inside
    “This isn’t a cunt it’s a corridor!”

    There was an old man from Connaught
    Whose dick was exceedingly short
    As they jumped into bed
    His Old Woman said
    “This isn’t a dick, it’s a wart!”

    Your turn now 😀

  • #102450

    GDPR Harvester
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    Oh damn, I have another one. I really should have put this one in the first post because, imo, it’s the funniest one I’ve ever heard. I first heard it in the 1960’s, told to me by my dear old mum.

    There was a young lady named Starkey
    Who had a night out with a darkie
    The result of her sins
    Was quads, not twins
    One black, one white, and two khaki.

  • #102454

    itsplaster
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    There was a fella named Beaker
    Who told Smile that he’d seek her
    But she lives in Maine,
    So his love is in vain
    Unless he swims the Atlantic to meet her 😉

    • #102457

      GDPR Harvester
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      @itsplaster

      I love it! That was awesome and I bet Miss Smiley will love it too. I shall tag @illegalsmile55 so she comes and sees it 😀

      Thanks for that and feel free to post more, especially if they’re as good as that!

      And you’ve scooted further up the ladder 😉

  • #102458

    illegalsmile55
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    Goints: 3,852

    @plaster, awesome! @psychotherapist,

    The was a lady from Maine
    Who everyone thought was insane
    She thought of the beaker
    And hoped he would tweak her
    But he would not fly on a plane.

    Eh, I just woke up…

    • #102460

      GDPR Harvester
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      @illegalsmile55

      Miss Smiley from Maine is so funny
      Dear Beaker, he thinks she’s a honey
      But though he looks happy
      Inside he feels crappy
      Cos he knows she’s after his money!!

      j/k 😉

    • #102463

      GDPR Harvester
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      Now Beaker is happy and jolly
      The guy has plenty of lolly (English slang for cash)
      He might look a joker
      But he plays damned good poker
      And to take him on is pure folly.

  • #102470

    itsplaster
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    @psychotherapist @illegalsmile55 Hey, I love the ones you guys did! Those are great. Smile, I think your “just woke up” one was better than my wide awake one. Lol.

    • #102471

      GDPR Harvester
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      @itsplaster @illegalsmile55

      Plaster, did you know it’s true?
      Both Beaker and I like you two
      So at Beaker’s behest
      I’ve sent a request
      For friendship with Smiley and you 😀

    • #102484

      illegalsmile55
      Participant
      Goints: 3,852

      @itsplaster,
      You are being modest, its quite obvious your limerick inspired mine.

  • #102578

    GDPR Harvester
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    There once was a plumber named Lee
    Who was plumbing his girl by the sea
    She said “Stop your plumbing
    There’s somebody coming”
    Said the plumber (still plumbing) “It’s me!”

    *******************************************

    The was an old man from Pagoda
    Would not pay a whore what he owed her
    “I’ll show you,” she said
    As she jumped out of bed
    And she peed in his whisky and soda.

    ******************************************

    There was a young fellow called Reg
    Who was fucking a girl by a hedge
    Along came his wife
    With a big carving knife
    And cut off his meat and two veg.

    *****************************************

    The was a young lady named Horton
    Who had one long tit and a short ‘un
    To make up for the loss
    She had a cunt like a hoss
    And a fart like a 650 Norton.

    ****************************************

    There was a young lady from Hitchin
    Who was scratching her quim in the kitchen
    Her mother said “Rose!
    It’s the pox, I suppose?”
    She said “Bollocks! Get on with your stitching!”

    *************************************************

    The young people of Aberystwyth
    Made love with the things that they kissed with
    But as they grew older
    They also grew bolder
    Making love with the things that they pissed with.

    **************************************************

    There were two young ladies from Birmingham
    There is a good story concerning ’em
    They lifted the frock
    And played with the cock
    Of the Bishop engaged in confirming ’em

    Now the worthy old Bish was no fool
    (He’d been to a Sec. Modern School)
    So he lifted the britches
    Of those dirty bitches
    And used his episcopal tool.

  • #104981

    Lord Wankdust
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    Goints: 1,138

    Not a limerick but a traditional Scottish Children’s Poem which I am sure you will all enjoy. My mother used to recite me this when I was sat in front of the fire having my supper of deep-fried Shortbread and Whisky.

    Mary had a little pig
    And it was always gruntin’
    She tied it to a five bar gate
    And kicked its little cunt in.

    • #104989

      illegalsmile55
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      Goints: 3,852

      I see where you get your sense of humor. Your Mom sounds amazing.

    • #104991

      GDPR Harvester
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      @lord-wankdust

      Mary had a little pig
      She could not stop it grunting
      She took it up the garden path
      And kicked it’s little rump in
      (had to change the words for the single)

      Judge Dread – 1972

  • #104982

    Lord Wankdust
    Participant
    Goints: 1,138

    There once was a cunt from Dundee
    Who got stick on his cock by a wasp
    When asked “Did it hurt?”
    He said “No. Not at all.
    It can do it again if it likes.”

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