Limericks

Best Gore Forums Chill Out Zone Funny and Cute Limericks

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    • #102449
      GDPR Harvester
      Keymaster

      I adore limericks and have come across some really good ones in my life. Please post your favourite limericks here as I’d love to find some good ones I’ve not seen before. I’ll start the ball rolling with three funny ones.

      There was a young girl from Pitlochery
      She was had by a monk in a rockery
      She cried “Oh you’ve cum
      All over my bum
      This isn’t a fuck, it’s a mockery!”

      There was a young man from Florida
      Fancied a friend’s wife and so borrowed her
      “My God!” he cried
      As he clambered inside
      “This isn’t a cunt it’s a corridor!”

      There was an old man from Connaught
      Whose dick was exceedingly short
      As they jumped into bed
      His Old Woman said
      “This isn’t a dick, it’s a wart!”

      Your turn now 😀

    • #102450
      GDPR Harvester
      Keymaster

      Oh damn, I have another one. I really should have put this one in the first post because, imo, it’s the funniest one I’ve ever heard. I first heard it in the 1960’s, told to me by my dear old mum.

      There was a young lady named Starkey
      Who had a night out with a darkie
      The result of her sins
      Was quads, not twins
      One black, one white, and two khaki.

    • #102454
      itsplaster
      Participant

      There was a fella named Beaker
      Who told Smile that he’d seek her
      But she lives in Maine,
      So his love is in vain
      Unless he swims the Atlantic to meet her 😉

      • #102457
        GDPR Harvester
        Keymaster

        @itsplaster

        I love it! That was awesome and I bet Miss Smiley will love it too. I shall tag @illegalsmile55 so she comes and sees it 😀

        Thanks for that and feel free to post more, especially if they’re as good as that!

        And you’ve scooted further up the ladder 😉

    • #102458
      illegalsmile55
      Participant

      @plaster, awesome! @psychotherapist,

      The was a lady from Maine
      Who everyone thought was insane
      She thought of the beaker
      And hoped he would tweak her
      But he would not fly on a plane.

      Eh, I just woke up…

      • #102460
        GDPR Harvester
        Keymaster

        @illegalsmile55

        Miss Smiley from Maine is so funny
        Dear Beaker, he thinks she’s a honey
        But though he looks happy
        Inside he feels crappy
        Cos he knows she’s after his money!!

        j/k 😉

      • #102463
        GDPR Harvester
        Keymaster

        Now Beaker is happy and jolly
        The guy has plenty of lolly (English slang for cash)
        He might look a joker
        But he plays damned good poker
        And to take him on is pure folly.

    • #102470
      itsplaster
      Participant

      @psychotherapist @illegalsmile55 Hey, I love the ones you guys did! Those are great. Smile, I think your “just woke up” one was better than my wide awake one. Lol.

    • #102578
      GDPR Harvester
      Keymaster

      There once was a plumber named Lee
      Who was plumbing his girl by the sea
      She said “Stop your plumbing
      There’s somebody coming”
      Said the plumber (still plumbing) “It’s me!”

      *******************************************

      The was an old man from Pagoda
      Would not pay a whore what he owed her
      “I’ll show you,” she said
      As she jumped out of bed
      And she peed in his whisky and soda.

      ******************************************

      There was a young fellow called Reg
      Who was fucking a girl by a hedge
      Along came his wife
      With a big carving knife
      And cut off his meat and two veg.

      *****************************************

      The was a young lady named Horton
      Who had one long tit and a short ‘un
      To make up for the loss
      She had a cunt like a hoss
      And a fart like a 650 Norton.

      ****************************************

      There was a young lady from Hitchin
      Who was scratching her quim in the kitchen
      Her mother said “Rose!
      It’s the pox, I suppose?”
      She said “Bollocks! Get on with your stitching!”

      *************************************************

      The young people of Aberystwyth
      Made love with the things that they kissed with
      But as they grew older
      They also grew bolder
      Making love with the things that they pissed with.

      **************************************************

      There were two young ladies from Birmingham
      There is a good story concerning ’em
      They lifted the frock
      And played with the cock
      Of the Bishop engaged in confirming ’em

      Now the worthy old Bish was no fool
      (He’d been to a Sec. Modern School)
      So he lifted the britches
      Of those dirty bitches
      And used his episcopal tool.

    • #104981
      Lord Wankdust
      Participant

      Not a limerick but a traditional Scottish Children’s Poem which I am sure you will all enjoy. My mother used to recite me this when I was sat in front of the fire having my supper of deep-fried Shortbread and Whisky.

      Mary had a little pig
      And it was always gruntin’
      She tied it to a five bar gate
      And kicked its little cunt in.

      • #104989
        illegalsmile55
        Participant

        I see where you get your sense of humor. Your Mom sounds amazing.

      • #104991
        GDPR Harvester
        Keymaster

        @lord-wankdust

        Mary had a little pig
        She could not stop it grunting
        She took it up the garden path
        And kicked it’s little rump in
        (had to change the words for the single)

        Judge Dread – 1972

    • #104982
      Lord Wankdust
      Participant

      There once was a cunt from Dundee
      Who got stick on his cock by a wasp
      When asked “Did it hurt?”
      He said “No. Not at all.
      It can do it again if it likes.”

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