Social anxiety

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    • #93518
      Trailer
      Participant

      Anybody here ever dealt with it? How do you get over it? Do medications help? I’m pretty sure I have it but not an extreme case. I mean I don’t like being around big crowds of people but I can handle it if need be. My thing is more about talking to people especially strangers. It’s hard for me to meet new people and make friends. I feel like it’s holding me back from living life but I don’t know what to do about it..

    • #93860
      GDPR Harvester
      Keymaster

      Anxiety is a normal feeling everyone has even if they look like they don’t. Just be yourself, don’t try to be something you’re not. You know yourself. Drugs don’t help (except alcohol LOL).

      I’m quiet, reserved, shy, whatever it’s called but I only do what I feel comfortable doing. Last week, I went to a club with some associates and danced and drank and had a good time even though I can’t dance (yet). I felt comfortable going because of the people I was with. Otherwise I just don’t do stuff like that.

      My best advice is just be you.

    • #93866
      itsplaster
      Participant

      There’s a lot of material on this subject online and in books. I agree with JANG to just “be yourself” but that doesn’t necessarily make anxiety go away. You are you – just anxiety might be handicapping you a bit. I’d definitely read about it or check out forums online – other people might have stories about what helped them. I think drugs work but it’s not worth it. You don’t want to have a benzo habit 10 years down the road that’s making your life hell. Just my opinion.

    • #93895
      Trailer
      Participant

      Thanks for your input. I can be myself around very few people that I am close to but if I’m out in public or around people I don’t really know I just shut down basically. I just don’t know how to interact with most people. I think it started from getting picked on in school so I learned to just keep to myself.

      • #94010
        itsplaster
        Participant

        Yes, school can affect us years later. But I would start with taking a look in the mirror and seeing you aren’t that kid anymore. You are an adult and you have a life that has nothing to do with those stupid school kids. For all you know, they be homeless lol.

        You sound like yours is more anxiety for meeting new people and not necessarily being in a crowd such as a store. Ever consider taking a friend who is outgoing but won’t just block you out of the conversation? Someone you know who might include you in the talk but you don’t have to start by yourself. What do you want? More friends for activities or people to possibly date? Or both?

    • #94012
      Trailer
      Participant

      Both of those would be cool. I just don’t get out much is part of the problem. I got a few friends but all we do is get drunk and high at the house. They don’t want to go out much and sometimes I will go alone and just end up feeling awkward as hell lol. I want to meet new people but I just don’t know how to start a conversation with random people.

    • #94013
      GDPR Harvester
      Keymaster

      I’ve found that over the years it’s better for me to let convos happen on their own rather than chase them down. I’m a good-looking guy (you can tell, right) but I don’t go around sparking up convos with people, I just keep to myself. I was like that in school, too but I’m older now and haven’t changed.

      I still meet new people all the time but I meet them on my terms, how I feel comfortable. I take the same approach with women. It works for me. I’m just being myself, other people always tell me “why so serious”.

      You’ll be fine, talking to a thousand people isn’t as cracked up it seems to be sometimes anyway; you’ll make friends and get ass just doing you.

      • #94034
        Trailer
        Participant

        JANG so when your out and about do people approach you? I mean I’ve just been letting things happen like you say and it’s gotten me nowhere. But I know people that just seem to attract others, one of my best friends. He seems to just float through life getting good jobs cause the boss likes him. Hot girls like him (he’s married) and random people just come up and strike up a conversation. I asked him how he does it but he can’t really say. Seems like to me some people just got it like that.

    • #94023
      UncleJim
      Participant

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      • #94031
        Trailer
        Participant

        Now uncle Jim, I have considered your generous offer but unfortunately will have to decline. But thanks for putting a smile on my face! 😁

    • #94045
      UncleJim
      Participant

      That’s sad I’ll have too barge my way into a TED talk and harrange some potential customers lol

    • #94051
      GDPR Harvester
      Keymaster

      Everyone has something going for them, sometimes it takes time to become comfortable with who you are to learn to project confidence while overcoming anxiety. We all have anxiety, it’s a good thing. We’re humans, anxiety teaches us how to become stronger willed and face fears.

      It takes time to learn what a person wants out of life. There is a balance of what’s important and what isn’t. Sometimes the grass may seem greener but people don’t realize how good they actually have it on their side.

      I used to think like what you were saying, all it did was make me depressed and miserable with myself. “That other person has such and such why don’t I”. After a while I just took to saying “Fuck that other guy”.

      I think I’ve been in your state of mind and I sometimes still feel that way but I just do me and what makes me comfortable.

      When I was 19,20,21 I was banging women 35-40 years old milfs. They actually initiated convos with me. I think it was because I just acted like my normal self, and I think the same would be true for you.

      Go workout at the gym and smile and say “good morning” to some good looking milfs! After a while I bet they’d start talking to you !

      • #94054
        Trailer
        Participant

        JANG I think I see what your saying. I can’t explain it but today I just been giving less fucks and it feels great. I will try to keep it up and post updates here for anybody that may be interested.

    • #94055
      Napalm John
      Participant

      I struggled with this for a while until I found my solution. Drink. Just drink. Anything you can get your hands on. Don’t take drugs prescription or otherwise. A nice drink will loosen you up. It sure worked for me. Sure I’m only in my late 20s and I’m pretty sure my liver will go out on me soon, but hey, at least I can talk to people without feeling nauseous.

      Something else that worked for me was convincing myself that I was better than everyone else and other people are pretty much worthless. Take notice of everybody’s many, many flaws, and remember that there are 7.5 billion people on this planet. Ok, lets be realistic and say that you might not meet some of these people because they have you for religion, or race, or they are inaccessible for some reason, there are still a solid 7 billion people to meet and talk to. So if you do happen to mess up a relationship with somebody, you’ve got billions more chances to get it right.

    • #94058
      Trailer
      Participant

      @napalm John there is some truth to that, though I find with alcohol time I’m loose enough to open up I’m useless for anything else. I do try to see myself as better or equal to most people in some situations though and that seems to help.

    • #94063
      despy
      Participant

      this is nice post. happy to have came across it. @trailer you read to me more likeyou struggle with shyness rather than anxiety issue although maybe one begets the other. I have struggled with both, I was horribly shy and even today have my moments which has led to severe social anxiety, at times crippling. I think I trained myself to be less shy just because my self-imposed (shy) ‘scene’ inevitably led to silent super freakout (ANXIETY). focusing more on shyness aspect I think it stems from diminished confidence and fear of coming off a fool. I found it invaluable to no longer give a fuck what Others think about me but in your case if goal is to meet new people that outright dismissiveness may not be so beneficial. I would suggest purchasing yourself nice new t-shirt, new jeans. something you feel good in and travel to club or activity distant to home. where no one knows you , no preconceived notions and practice. nothing lost if you fumble or fall fool as you need to truly embrace putting yourself out there without fear of failure. the more you sit at (…) and casually say hello to both men and women you will see conversations aren’t that difficult to develop. it won’t seem such monumental task to casually float around room and interact. set your alarm on phone in ten minute increments to create ‘save’ if needed “pardon me I have to take this..” bolt or if unneeded hit snooze lol . your conversationalist will appreciate your not being rude and favoring call over them. shyness can be debilitating cure it with confidence. in tiny window I see, you have great sense of humor. not crude and i haven’t felt creep vibe. the more you interact with others more you will appreciate your own self lol but again builds confidence. updates would be cool, good luck to you.

    • #94165
      Trailer
      Participant

      @despy I think your right about me being shy vs anxiety. A lot of what you said there is spot on with how I think and feel. Sometimes I get in a mood where I say what’s on my mind and whoever doesn’t like it can fuck right off but it’s hard to keep that going. I will try to do a little better each day. Today was actually pretty good. Thanks for the advice..

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