Tagged: big greasy turkey drumstick, clamjungle, copious jizzer, dial-up connection, fanny batter spraying everywhere, frantic clunge twatting, legendary spamjuice, MySpace, pus-dripping crusty axe wound, ripe crab meat, slime the stench-trench of your sweaty arse, suppurating stench from her bricked-up-fireplace, three and a half inch floppy, unhurried sex, warm smoked Haddock Taco
August 13, 2017 at 10:49 pm #94692
Wondering if anyones interested in some sexting 😉
August 14, 2017 at 4:03 am #94708
Oh yes. But I don’t do mobile phones. I use my old Dell Optiplex running a hot burn of Windows XP and my trusty dial-up connection. I’ve got a lot of my favourite hot and sexy phrases typed up and saved on a disc so I can quickly copy and paste them to you using a Hotmail account. Its a bit slow but most folks my age like their sexiness unhurried that way… Now I just need to get my hands on that 3 1/2 inch floppy…
You could also check out my sexy MySpace page too. And I’m on Friends ReUnited.
August 14, 2017 at 12:26 pm #94718
Am literally pissing my self laughing
July 15, 2018 at 2:37 pm #128660
Thanks my Lord, this one was golden 🙂
April 24, 2019 at 9:47 am #189694
He’s a treasure. 😀
August 10, 2018 at 7:49 pm #135477
August 11, 2018 at 3:17 am #135563
That member Isaiah has never been back. She joined a year ago, started this thread and has kinda left me hanging out by myself. Sort of all dressed up and nowhere to drain my spuds.
Undaunted I am going to finish this thread. I’ll commence with the sexy texting and anyone can join in and help me finish up. Though don’t make it too quick as its been a while and I wanna enjoy this properly. Be creative.
“oh yeah baby. I’m gonna glaze those love pillows with my special marinade. But first pull back that sticky gusset of yours and let the eel smell the clam chowder. Oh my look at those bearded clams chattering away and getting all slimey. My purple-headed sex eel is going in there once it gets a bit slimier. Let’s first get some attention to those bazongos, that white flakey stuff cascading down from your cleavage… is that mammary dandruff? Or is it just a dried conglomerate of Dutch Pudding from your mother’s monthly family Get-Together and Bukkake Barbecue? Anyhow there appears to be a Dutch Puddle crusted around your navel. It is very sexy and erotic… like everything we do Isaiah… maybe we should let your pet Alsatian stay and watch us… it is boning up and drooling watching us here… oh yeah slide those bacon rashers along my sausage baby… lets get greasy.”
August 12, 2018 at 8:25 am #135878
It is difficult for me to sustain an interest in such one-sided sexy-texting but I am determined to see this one through. Please enter into the spirit of this and we can get this moved along…
“I’m imagining the stench off your clamjungle will be like a warm smoked Haddock Taco soaked in ripe crab meat. From what I can imagine you’ll be generating quite a steamy heat down there what with your frantic clunge twatting and the fanny batter spraying everywhere. My gristlebar is boning up like a big greasy turkey drumstick. I am a very copious jizzer you know, my sexy spamjuice is legendary baby and I’m gonna love sliming-up the sides of the stench-trench of your sweaty arse with that love-bone of mine.”
August 12, 2018 at 9:20 am #135887
Are you trying to put me off seafood? Or just shellfish? I made mussels last night, and had picked up some lovely oysters for myself tonight. I just whipped up some cocktail sauce (bahahaha) for them and was going to shuck those babies, but I feel kinda queasy all of a sudden. 😛
When does work start up for you? Summer seemed to scream by…can’t believe it’s already half way through August. I did manage to do some pickles today, the heat finally broke here. I’m actually wearing a sweatshirt and sockies, that’s how cool it is.
August 12, 2018 at 9:47 am #135890
Sweatshirt and sockies? Anything elseworn between the two items of clothing? Or is that it? Jeez I’m trying to get to bed and sleep here… Seafood, oysters, clams, mussels… I’m kinda off my supper a little as well now.
I have tomorrow left. Tuesday/ Wednesday are In-Service days. Pupils return Thursday. I’ll be glad to be back.
Summer’s almost gone.
August 12, 2018 at 9:58 am #135892
Yep, just socks and a sweatshirt. No one here but me and the dogs, I think my roomie is off getting his wiener slimey. Lucky guy. So yeah, I’m letting it all hang out.
I know you’re excited about going back to work, I’m sure these few months without a glance of the lovely Ms. Gyllenhaal have been torturous.
Sweet dreams my Lord, may they be filled with young nubile beauties who are all competing for your attention. 🙂
October 2, 2018 at 6:44 am #144737
I musta missed this somehow. Let the young nubiles attend to the young… I couldn’t bear the youthfulness. I reckon I need an imaginary woman… maybe I am better just dreaming.
Been back at the coalface for the last six weeks or so. It has been great seeing Gyllenhaal around school each day. Though seeing her can be a bit tortuous too. We were chatting today and she looked “ten years younger than her 45 years and hot“. I felt very old and achey and I found myself hoping I didn’t look that way too (I am a rather well-preserved chap and spruce up well on a good day). She was telling me that she’d gone to the cinema at the weekend with a few of the other women on the staff. I didn’t have a clue whether she was throwing me an overture or just being chatty. So I froze. Then I asked her if the film was good. Which kinda killed the conversation dead! The more I try to think… the more impossible and complicated it gets… without so much as nuthin having actually happened. Barring a bit of smiling and friendly chat. maybe I should just leave it at that and try to get her outta my thoughts… but … I was thinking I could do a bit of reputation-boosting back-end piscinery harvesting over the October Holidays… maybe I could have a “storage issue” which required me to drop Gyllenhaal off a sack of fillets for her freezer. But I don’t know her number.
However… this thread is meant to be about sexting. So I’d better come up with some crap about my purple-headed love anaconda sliming up a cheesey taco or a mayonnaisey burrito or something…
October 2, 2018 at 8:36 am #144756
Somehow I had the impression Ms. G was in her thirties; so you’re thinking she’s too young for you at 45? No way! That’s crazy. Ten years is nothing. It might be if she was 18, but she’s just right for a gentleman (and Lord) of your age. She’s probably wondering why you just don’t ask her out. I guess she, or you, might be concerned with dating someone from work. Darn…there’s always something…
My contribution To the thread:
April 4, 2019 at 10:17 am #185217
I wouldn’t mind some phone sex either. A little phone fucking
April 24, 2019 at 8:35 am #189600
@josh1980 Okay it is now one year and eight months since this fucking thread started and I’ve still to drain my spuds, shiver my timbers and squirt the love custard. It is probably like a crusty, blocked and dried out Mr Whippy pump down in the knotted tangle of my Throbber Jizz Plumbing.
I just need to jettison my Love Mayonnaise in a sexy cascade. The person who started this thread nearly two years ago has fucked-the-fuck right off and left me with my wrinkled cock flopped hopelessly out of the front of my button-fly, thornproof-tweed plus-fours. Really thoughtless of them.
@josh1980 I am not Gay, Bi-curious or even slightly camp but any port in a storm when the chips are down and one is stuck between a rock and a hard place. Maybe we can keep this quiet, let this thread fly-under-the-radar and hope no-one will notice? Drop an encouraging message to kinda crank things up and move things along a notch. Hopefully no-one will notice and I’ll soon get to slime up the woollen sock which I reserve for this purpose. The wool is old and crisp and it used to belong to my Grandfather, I wanked the other one of the pair into tattered shreds with many, many sexy injections of my acidic love jizz.
Over to you – let’s get the ball rolling and the party started.
April 24, 2019 at 10:02 am #189712
Sorry….not much gets by me, I always go to your comments. 😀
The crocuses (croci?) are in bloom and I saw a forsythia blooming today for the first time, so I’m quite sure spring is here. We’ve had rain and heavy fog for the last 4-5 days, I thought of you in your misty little corner of the world and wondered how close misty is to foggy?
I just scarfed homemade mac and cheese, too much…but it was so good. It’s the first time I’ve eaten it since I gave up eating white flour and pasta. I guess I didn’t give it up….my roomie asked if I would make him some and I didn’t have the will power to not eat any. I needed some comfort food. I’ve lost about 13 pounds just from giving up sugar and white stuff, and eat what ever else I want. I gained about 15 lbs. after I broke my femur neck, and I actually needed to gain a few pounds, but not 15. So I’m about down to my fighting weight again. 😉 Hope all is well with you…it was fun rereading this thread.
April 24, 2019 at 10:05 am #189718
p a i n †ParticipantGoints: 5,779
“ I wanked the other one of the pair into tattered shreds”
Funniest line contender I’ve ever in Bestgore.
June 26, 2019 at 7:26 am #202429
Okay back to the second message on this thread when I rose to the bait back on August 14 2017. I have now tried to boot that 3 1/2 inch floppy with all my sexy phrases typed up on it… but it wont load up on my computer any more. The floppy format is no longer recognised and that version of MS Word is now beyond any functionable updates.
That fucking timewaster cock-tease @everyilm429 has completely deserted this sexting thread. I curse her for Eternity.
****************** Traditional Wankdust Curse****************************
“May her clunge close over like a pus-dripping, crusty axe wound and the suppurating stench from her bricked up fireplace haunt her throughout all of her future life.”
My involvement with this thread is now over. Sometimes you just have to give up on things and realise it ain’t gonna happen.
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