strangeways here we come

Best Gore Forums Chill Out Zone Everything Else strangeways here we come

Viewing 10 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #99710
      despy
      Participant

      seeing that kid get off to crickets and that recent fella tangled up with worm made me self reflect on creepy ways , in the interest of self-love, I have gotten myself off. I first think of most painful and that takes me back to early 90s when I had a tube of gel that “heats when you blow on it” (what a gimmick because that is weird. what is really so hot about heat?) regardless I distinctly remember spreading eagle in bathroom with blow-dryer and cooking and basically flambaeing myself on counter. didn’t realize till too late that I really did wound myself. holy hell was I crippled for like a week. which also leads me to my long ago fixated fascination with mirrors. used to like to spread in front of wall mirror, get right up in there and watch magic happen. over the years my eyesight , distant-wise none too keen so I’d hold hand mirror to my face to watch myself cum. lol haven’t done that in years as I wrecked that mirror no lol I just didn’t take it with me.

      finally, this is probably most bizarre and non brag worthy share. one day I was on couch naked eating Chinese food, I was all crouched in hidden dragon pose , not really pose I just so happened to be naked with knees up on couch in yes, I guess, a crouch, naked eating my almond boneless chicken. haven’t we all been there? anyhow I just so happened in transport to mouth dripoed gravy and it just so happened to land square on clit and I was like hello (harro?) left it there and finished my food and then I was like hello-io (wink wink) and scooped up lil bit remaining gravy with cupped hand and slapped it right on my almond cookie and swirled that mess till I cursed my ancient Chinese secret.

      your turn.

    • #99713
      Nataska
      Participant

      What fella tangled with worms ??I never see that see the crickets not sure how he cAn get turned on by creepy crawlers

      • #99714
        despy
        Participant

        nataska you are breaking the rules! you must share a funky way you got yourself off then and only then will I lead you to worm-boy

    • #99717
      Nataska
      Participant

      lol I’m to shy to tell esp on here ah that sucks I wanted to see the worm boy 😜

      • #99718
        despy
        Participant

        that is the beauty of the internet, totally anonymous! I just told you I used almond boneless chicken sauce as lubricant and I am laughing. I should be mortified but I am not. I am laughing because it is internet!

        nataska! nataska! nataska!

    • #99719
      Nataska
      Participant

      I prefer chocolate sauce and your making me hungry now lol

      • #99720
        despy
        Participant

        lol silly confectionery sickie I didn’t eat the gravy post-pussy, shower drain did!

        ok I don’t want to post link to wormboy but scrolling categories I am certain he must have filed under “sexual disaster.”

        I rather not discuss it here. I will say however you should not be hungry once viewed

    • #99758
      Muja Mi Rona
      Participant

      harro
      You are too funny Psycho Grrl.

    • #99765
      itsplaster
      Participant

      Strangeways here we… cum? I think the lube that heats up is great. If you buy regular lube, you have to lay on it for like 10 or 15 minutes. Okay, that’s how my lazy ass does it. I just lay on the tube. Otherwise, it’s super cold depending on where you store it and that does not feel good at all. I don’t think it’s that heat is sexy but that freezing cold clit is NOT. Just my 2 cents and not a very juicy story.

      • #99824
        despy
        Participant

        @itsplaster tell me something freaky! freaky place? implement? give me something!

    • #99779
      Death Pod
      Participant

      I don’t like any of those gimmicky lubes like the “His and Hers” stuff. An ex and I tried them for the hell of it and she reported liking the way it felt, but mine made me deflate. It felt like I had put Absorbine Jr. on my dick. For me, if “we” need lube, the regular stuff will do.

      I can’t recall any particularly bizarre ways I’ve gotten myself off but in 9th grade I fell asleep in my first period class and had a massive wet dream. I literally creamed my jeans. No one knew what happened because I sat in the very back of the class. I used the back-pack technique a pubescent lad with an unwanted Woodrow might use to get me to the bathroom between classes. Dipped into the restroom and washed up as best as I could. Then skipped class and called my mother telling her I was sick. I couldn’t walk around with that huge splotch for the rest of the day. I didn’t see the humor of it all at the time because I was so terrified I would be humiliated. I mean, how could anyone survive the ridicule that would follow from something that hilariously unfortunate? Once I developed the confidence and esteem to not care what others think of me I would share the story for a laugh.

      • #99827
        despy
        Participant

        now we are getting somewhere, thank you! @deathpod

        reminds me of Jerry in 5th or 6th grade. there was a bunch of howling and commotion at desks behind me. apparently Jerry sparked a stiffy and all the boys were calling him out. his face was beat red and he had stack of books on lap trying to conceal himself. I didn’t even know what any of it meant I just remember feeling bad for him because he was so incredibly red and he was total nerd of the class (he was one that had to take a day off school every few weeks to get wax drained from his ears)his mom was lunch lady , patrolled the yard with whistle. total bitch. but knowing now what stiffy is I feel bad had to be awful for him lol grade school = cruel

    • #99832
      despy
      Participant

      never was one for lubricant. but I can think of time it would have been useful. the first time I had sex

      I can remember that night so clearly. we were all hanging out at a friend’s house, his parents were out of town. we spent the day drinking beer and watching price is right and dukes ofhazzard,all the good stuff. in the evening I watched my first real porno (not scrambled HBO) and it was terrible. I just remember it being an Indian porn lol some wench traveling up a hillside to meet up with some dude dressed like Gandhi , was awful.

      we did it on my friends parents bed, terrible! sorry ma! he must have gotten horny from porn because up until then it was weeks and weeks of making out and I guess back then was called fingering. anyhow we were on the bed and instead of just grinding on me I felt the insertion and it was like hmm ok, rather raw feeling and scrapey but then after few moments was all wet and slick and I was digging it but then it all stopped and I was all wtf. he was smiling , I was not. was from that moment on I vowed that I will never leave sex unsatisfied and I haven’t.
      but yeah lube would have been welcomed that night

      • #99865
        itsplaster
        Participant

        I only use lube that one time a year, I decide a dildo seems like a good idea. It never is. But plain old married sex gets rolling without the warming goo. 😉

        • #99873
          despy
          Participant

          I love it when something turns me on and I slip my hand in panties and I am just seeping wet. so hot!

        • #99882
          Death Pod
          Participant

          What about the old vibrator on the clit during intercourse? The first time I tried that with my girlfriend I almost jumped out of my skin.

        • #99886
          itsplaster
          Participant

          @deathpod I’m that one chick that doesn’t own a vibrator. Lol. I want a speed and intensity that is achievable by man. I’m afraid getting used to a machine would mess up “unassisted” sex.

        • #99930
          despy
          Participant

          @plaster you shouldn’t deny yourself plastic treat it’s like comparing apples and oranges! totally different feeling and expectation. isn’t your husband away alot? you need a plastic pal!

        • #99936
          itsplaster
          Participant

          @desp I’ve invested in a Johnny Utah sexdoll. Quite expensive. Not sure how I’ll get that damn thing up the stairs. When I get another 7-thousand, I’m getting the matching “Point Break” Swayze. Can’t break up a collection.

        • #99937
          despy
          Participant
        • #99938
          itsplaster
          Participant

          🙂

          Vaya con Dios

        • #115355

          Funny you say that. I have also thought the same. I have no prob with sextoys but my thinking was surely a woman using vibrators exclusively for a long time will be spoiled .she will not necesaarily be able to get vibrations ,rhythm and size /girth of a vibrator when she next finds a man. Think ten inch ribbed style!

          It would be like me fucking shecats and then doing it with a woman? How are they comparable!

          Also rememember that vid of the woman sticking a one metre long black dong up her arse and you would see it sticking out her guts and collarbone! Haha.


          @itsplaster

        • #99928
          despy
          Participant

          wow was he gay. I am trying to think of my favorite Queen song, somebody to love comes to mind I just love it!

          vibrator to clit used to be essential. not so anymore, I have evolved. I cannot wait to have sex again! see what is required. it will be so much fun!

      • #99880
        Death Pod
        Participant

        @desp

        I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say their first time was good. Mine certainly wasn’t. Fortunately the girl I failed to impress, who had been in the game for a minute, was really cool about it. She protected my fragile ego like a pro. I didn’t cum too quickly, or at all for that matter, I was just very timid and nervous as hell.

        • #99934
          despy
          Participant

          I actually enjoyed the last 6minutes of my first sex lol. but I can imagine it would be so much more intense and pressure filled for boy

    • #100020
      Lord Wankdust
      Participant

      It really is a wonderful album. I used to fuck a girlfriend senseless to this album. It was on cassette so I’d pound her clunge into a manky stream of orgasms then flip over the tape and bang her mercilessly for the “Paint A Vulgar Picture” crescendo. Then there was the piteous run-off of “I Won’t Share You”. Summer 1988, Tulse Hill, Brixton. London.

      My first time was great (1979) though nearly a decade before this wondrous album slid out onto the shelves. She’s in Australia now. Thank fuck. Her tits were funny. Great minge… but her tits kinda gave me the heaves.

    • #100035
      despy
      Participant

      I was trying to think of my favorite album and hatful of hollow immediately sprang to mind but then I searched their discography and wow they had so many good ones! strangeways is probably my.least favorite, not that it’s bad but many I like better. I too had them all on cassette!


      @lord
      original premise of forum is strangeways you have previously gotten yourself off. surely you have your own additive , please share!
      still waiting on illegal , purple and plaster and Everyone Else

    • #115460
      Lord Wankdust
      Participant

      I designed a bicycle-powered wanking machine which I attempted to build in my shed last year. The crank-shaft/ power-off unit from the main chain-drive became problematic as pedalling at even a very slow speed produced too much power. The velcro-cockwrap fastener was too abrasive on my helmet and to tell you the truth, I actually found it tricky to get wood whilst pedalling a bike (even up on cramp-mounts). The belt-drive fixings suspended from the shed roof (which brought the power from the backwheel via two small hanging wheels over my head to my “throbulous bulbous“), also shook down a lot of dust, spiders and woodlice which also kinda cooled my ardour.

      There was also no proper area for my purple-heade yoghurt warrior to see any fluff material. Looking at dusty gardening equipment was far from tittilating.

      I hadn’t really thought it through.

      It makes dribbling some curry into my lap seem so much easier, but less manly.

Viewing 10 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.